Saturday, September 4, 2010

You Like What You Like

As a human being, you have preferences. You might not mean to, you might not choose to, but you do. You have a favorite weather pattern, textures you love, foods you enjoy more than others, and scents you despise.

There may be rational, memory-based reasons for some of those things (leaving outdoors where you were playing in the leaves on a crisp cool fall day to come into a kitchen that smells like chocolate-chip cookies...), but ultimately, it does no good to search for rational explanations of why we prefer one thing over another, we just do. 

And yet, when it comes to sex, people seem to judge what they want, instead of just accepting it as a part of them. I bet your kink is probably no more explicable, and probably no more based on your moral choices, than your preference in ice cream flavors. 

How you ACT on your sexual urges? Those are your moral choices. But which urges you HAVE to start with? I think those are just your body, having physical urges, like it does. 

I've had a few callers confessing to me what they crave, in hushed, stammering speech. I interrupted fast with my caveats: I'm the wrong girl to tell if you're going to confess anything illegal, or anything that would require medical intervention to recover from. Thankfully, my confessors have been within my comfort bounds. 

One found a used condom, and knew who had used it, and it was HUGE and full of semen, and he can't stop thinking about it. One wants to be stripped of his gender identity. One wanted to allow someone else to utterly control him. One wants to be blackmailed with video of him in drag. If they were faking the hesitant confessions, they were all very good at it. 

I told all of them: try not to judge yourself. Try not to judge what you want. You can't choose what you want, but you can choose how you act. What you want doesn't hurt anyone else, so don't beat up on yourself for wanting it.  

(FYI: I would feel much differently if the impulses were for self-destructive or nonconsensually harmful acts - those need help, but these were all just fantasies about power and sex)

So, if you're wondering if you're broken, or a freak, or if you're fascinated by something and need to get it off your chest, call me. I'd love to hear it! 

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