Saturday, April 30, 2011

Turtles and Bunnies

Today, I'll be offline until the evening hours because (a) right now I have to rescue a turtle and (b) I'm seeing Hop with my nieces this afternoon.

The turtle showed up in the little back yard of our townhouse a few days ago, much to the consternation of my pit bull with anxiety issues. I put him outside the fence, gave him some salad, and when I went to check on him an hour later, he had taken off.

He came back today, identified again by a ferocious round of especially crazy-sounding barking. So I'm off to take him to a nearby park with a bayou where he can live a natural life and get eaten by something more appropriate on the food chain than my very-much-not-wild dogs.

Then I'll serve my role as "the aunt who thinks it's important to analyze art" and attempt to engage my nieces in a conversation about animation, plot, characterization, themes, and whether or not they agree with the moral assertions of the film. They are still receptive to these conversations - surprisingly so, considering the feminist marathon we went through about the Disney princesses last year - but I expect the eye-rolling and disdain is not far off.

So no sexy time for me until the evening, which makes me a little twitchy, because I've had a really fun week on the phone this week. I've had so much phone time that today has kind of been a little odd to switch back to off-phone life-in-person mode! But I'm sure I'll adjust nicely and be back in the swing of things in no time. Hope to see you tonight!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Someone Call Candy

The girl who keeps me (mostly) sane most nights needs a call tonight: someone to fuck her hard and fast and make her come so deeply that she's nothing but a girl-puddle.

She's a natural submissive, 21, those are her real pictures, and she genuinely likes phone sex.

And she hasn't had a good hard come tonight. That ain't right. Help her out, boys.

Incidentally, she's catching up to me in points, even though she's been online fewer months than I have, which should make me jealous, but instead, because I'm logging out early and maybe a little goofy tonight, I'm doing this.

... and I'm sending out reminders to people tomorrow to leave me feedback to make sure I keep my lead

/evil grin

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Unpredicted Responses

I have an idea what the response(s) will be when I post something on my blog, or when I rework my listings, but I'm almost never right.

I wrote about all my crazy limitations and crazy considerations with my crazy life situation if I were to think of Meeting In Person. I feared people would think I was crazy and be turned off. Instead, I got:
  • three people told me how well-organized and well-written it was, complimenting me on my presentation of such a complicated subject
  • one caller told me to plan on packing my bags this summer to visit him (I dunno if he was serious, but it was sweet)
  • two callers told me that my approach was completely reasonable, and they would love to do that for me some day
  • about ten people told me it was cool and reasonable, but they could never afford it (obviously I understand - I couldn't afford it either!)
  • a bunch of people empathizing about my complex life situation (thanks!)
  • one caller told me that he thought, "Either she's being real and honest and explaining a complicated situation, or this is the most brilliantly devised red herring ever written" which cracked me up - I don't have the energy to sustain those kinds of lies, but thanks for thinking that I'm that clever!
  • and then, I have to admit, I had a favorite response: one caller had me use my vibrator on myself hard and fast, and listen to him at the same time, while he told me, "You said in your blog post that my boner would be at risk... Do you have any idea how fucking hard it made me to read the words 'sustained... vigorous... fucking...' and think about being with you?" I will never forget how good that call made me feel. 
Then I wrote about my six-hour phone call, and I expected people to be upset with me that I had cut them off at 60 minutes, and instead, I got:
  • a woman who passed the story to her husband, who spent the next day at lunch with buddies discussing male orgasm denial: looking up cock cages on their phones, since none of them would admit to having heard of them before, and heatedly discussing the psychology of it - too funny.
  • two requests for "light financial domination" by regulars who have never played with it before, but had been curious - too fun.
  • three regulars tell me that they totally understood why I imposed time limits on them, because "I work you hard" as if they were proud of themselves (and they were all correct!) - too cute.
I wrote about my husband getting a job, which I didn't think would cause any response at all, and I got a new caller from a long-time blog reader who has extensive cuckolding fantasies, who had to call me to talk about how I'm going to be running around town, building a stable of daytime lovers while my husband is at work. Good idea...

So there's your meta post for the day, blogging about blogging, instead of actually blogging. Feel free to accuse me of slacking and come up with a suitable punishment!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Time Limits Vs The Six Hour Phone Call

In this post about time limits, I explained that some types of phone sex calls have the unfortunate tendency to accelerate my dizziness to the point where I have to draw a line and impose a time limit, especially calls where I do most of the talking, or where more than one orgasm per person is required.

Last night, I spent almost six hours with one caller, from 6:53 pm to 12:46 am. Because of the time he spent re-charging his account, and one unfortunate disconnect, it worked out to 346 minutes of billable time. Wow.

Now, if you would have asked me yesterday at 6:52, "What is your prediction for your stamina tonight? How long of a call could you take right now?" I would have guessed maybe 90 minutes. I never would have guessed 346. No way.

So how was 346 minutes possible?

A few factors caused the perfect conditions:
* I was well-rested
* He did most of the talking
* We were talking, not fucking

I was well-rested: He was my first call of the evening. I had enough sleep, I hadn't tried to do too many errands, and I had taken things at my own pace all day. It was a lovely day, in fact.

He did most of the talking: The way the conversation goes with this particular caller (nicknamed "The Wanker"): he shares his thoughts about wankers / losers / beta males, the psychology of sex, the insistent physiology of the cock, the emotional complexities of trading sexual energy for money, and the simultaneously pleasurable / tormenting activity of paying an attractive woman to talk with him about sex when he knows he won't actually be getting laid.

The words come tumbling out of his mouth. I almost have to interrupt him sometimes to interject with a thought. For every thing I say, he probably says five things. So I'm listening, paying attention, adding my perspective, and coming up with good questions, but if I need a mental break, I can take one and just let him go on auto-pilot for a minute or two. It's handy.

The difference between "I am almost always talking" and "I am almost always listening" is huge -- I can go way longer if my caller is doing most of the talking.

We were talking, not fucking: For almost the entire call, neither of us were heading toward an orgasm. He had just gotten his first-ever chastity cage over the weekend, and he'd been wearing it for about 52 hours when we started talking. When he hit 72 hours, it would be the longest he had ever gone in his life without masturbating to orgasm.

So the fascinating thing to him about the call was how much more aroused he could get without having to end the call because he had climaxed. So topics that normally would send him over the edge? Keep exploring those, and push hard, because he can't come.

Exploring the psychology of financial domination? Listening to graphic details about me and my lovers? Hearing about how a couple transitions from flirting to fucking? All of those were deliciously stimulating for him. And honestly, I got a huge rush of power and pleasure from hearing his breath catch in that way that usually means he's about to climax, but knowing that this time, I could keep on keeping on and just mess with his mind for all it was worth.

When I realized I was getting tired, finally, I dropped the double-bomb on him: would he be willing to pay me extra to masturbate while explicitly explaining to him what I was doing? He never could have done that without a chastity cage; he would have climaxed in five minutes. And the mind-fuck of asking him to pay extra for me to masturbate, knowing that it was included for other calls, was based on my knowledge of his hesitant interest in financial domination.

I made him come up with the dollar amount (which was a fairly vicious trick on my part, if I do say so myself), and then explained every detail of what I was doing and how it felt. It was a slow build, first with my fingers, then with my vibrator (which I called "the cock" to emphasize that he was not fucking me, but that I love being fucked).

When I came, hard, leaving me scrambled and breathless, he sounded like his brain had exploded instead of his balls. "There's just... there's no mistaking that sound, is there?" he finally managed to say, while I laughed at his obvious mind-melting level of frustrated arousal.

Dear Galiana, 
Remember how once upon a time, you thought you wouldn't be any good at financial domination, or humiliation, or tease and denial? You were wrong on all accounts. And just think: the world is still full of fun new things for you to learn that you love! All it takes is finding the right partner to do them with. Have fun!
Love, Galiana

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Busy Weekend, Just Not With Phone Sex

Since we found out my husband has a new job, things have been a flurry of activity.

We need a second car so I won't be stranded at home (I can drive close places with vertigo, as long as the dizzies aren't severe). Mom has been holding off getting a new car until she knew if we wanted hers (hell yeah, she takes great care of cars). So yesterday I went with her to buy her new car, and take possession of her old one.

(Side note: she decided to buy Ford because they didn't take federal bailout money, but they've been vastly improving the quality of their cars. Her new Escape got strong reviews on Consumer Reports, high reliability since the '08 redesign, and the integrated hands-free phone interface was a breeze to set up and use. Yay America! My next car will be a Ford. In fact, anyone wanna give me $30K for the hybrid Fusion with a moonroof they had in stock?)

(Thus ends the totally unpaid commercial portion of this blog entry)

Mom kept thanking me for going online with her to do the title transfer and the toll tag deactivation. She didn't seem to understand that I came out ahead: her selling me a car in great condition for $2,000 less than I could have bought it anywhere else? vs one hour of online time? I totally win.

Then today is Easter, so it was family time, which meant 7 adults and 5 kids at my sister's house, which meant I needed anti-dizzy medications. I took the one that made me spacey, hoping it would mean I could nap through the rebound, but nooooo. Nooooo. Nooooope.

Instead, since I got home, I've just been telling HILARIOUS stories to my dogs, who do not seem to be getting my jokes. The nerve of some quadripeds, I tell ya...

I would have logged in for phone sex yesterday, but I laid down to rest -- not to sleep, mind you, "because I'm just dizzy, not sleepy" -- and woke up six hours later completely groggy and useless.

And then today, I would have logged in for phone sex, except I'm stupid. It's the meds, they make me feel stoned. Like, totally, utterly, uselessly dumb. I spent a good ten minutes trying to look up the prices for a new iPhone 4 via Sprint .... except that Sprint doesn't carry iPhones, and we have AT&T. And we've had AT&T for years. We have two iPhones now on AT&T. Wut... thuh... hail... /blink /blink

So I'm hanging out with my sorely under-appreciative dogs, watching them play "king of the (couch/bed/stairs)" until I start crashing or get sleepy.

My hope is that tomorrow will mark the return of my ability to keep up with my calendar, and be logged in for phone sex for 10-12 hours most days. Fingers crossed!!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Relief and Pride and Change

I wrote a story in 2002 that includes the sentence, "Relief and pride flood me so completely I almost faint."

I felt that way yesterday.

My husband has been looking for a full-time job for "a while". I've been holding my breath, waiting to see what changes his job will cause for that exact same "a while".

Yesterday, he got a great job offer. Then he negotiated it well, so he accepted an even better job offer.

I'm so relieved. I'm so proud.

And I'm so... brain-spun. I can't stop thinking of all the what-ifs and what-it-might-means: for my schedule, my energy, my availability for phone sex, my disposable income, my ability to relax and "forgive myself" when I can't be on the phones...

And the issues of today are still the issues of today until we get his first full pay check, so I am attempting to budget for three versions of "then" while attempting to responsibly live "now".

At least I'm not concerned about feeling safe when he's working, because I have a rescued pit bull mix with anxiety issues. Anybody stupid enough to try to harm me will not. be. pleased. (She's also a handy deterrent for door-to-door solicitors...)

I suspect my schedule will shift again, like it did after we moved, but I'm not sure in which direction. I will probably log on with with my dominant and hypno listings more often again (after I rewrite them), but I don't know for sure.

I like predictability. My body likes routine. The move tossed me off the schedule I had in Austin, and I've been struggling to get back to something regular again.
I cannot begin to express how much I am looking forward to settling in to this new version of my life!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Thousand Times Yes

He'd been away for a while. He asked if I missed him; of course I had. After all, every blog entry is always secretly about him in some subtle way, isn't it? It is, and always will be, according to him.

"We're in such different places tonight," he said. I was all bubbly and bouncy and happy to hear from him again. He was, in his words, darker.

"It doesn't matter what you want to take out on me... how are you going to take it out on me?" I asked. He described himself beating me into sub space, leaving every inch of my skin tingling and alive to the touch, but his heart wasn't in it, I could tell.

"Or I could curl up inside your mature, worldly-wise, seductive imagination..."

"... and lose yourself?"


Well then.

Sometimes, taking a man's balls in my hand and his cock in my mouth feels like raw, unadulterated power. Sometimes, I can feel his vulnerability, know his desire, taste his need. In those moments, I know that when he empties himself into me, it will release more than fluids.

"Yes," he said, after he gave me every last drop of whatever burden it was that he needed to unload, "yes... yes... and a thousand times yes..."

I hope you slept well. I know I will.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

As long as I'm doing old songs as blog titles, this is the one that fits me today.

Yesterday, I filmed four custom videos, and got the right links sent to the right people. Yay me.

Today, I'm trying to edit those videos to put them up for sale, which involves:
* editing out personal stuff like names from the custom version
* mixing a large and small version
* uploading large and small version with a unique user name and password
* making payment buttons on NiteFlirt
* updating my "Stuff To Buy" page on my blog
* taking screen shots for the blog entry
* writing up a blog entry
* and with robot videos, posting about it on Fembot Central

Each of the four videos is at a different place along that task list, and I've been attempting to multi-task, to keep all of them moving forward, hoping to use the "dead time" wisely when videos were mixing down or files were uploading.

In the process of doing so, I sent the wrong link to all the people who bought the first Galiana Demo video (what do you mean you don't want to buy the first video twice?), so I had to re-send that.

Then in Galiana Demo #02 email, I had the link to the small version of the video twice (instead of the small and the large). And the wrong username and password for the Demo #02 (I sent out the username and password for the Demo #01).

Seriously, Galiana, in fifteen years as a technical professional, you didn't figure out how to "copy and paste AND THEN FIX"?

And then one of custom videos from last night was corrupted on the web site, so I had to re-upload it, which failed on the first try... Okay, so that one wasn't my fault.

I'm good with details, usually, but I am facing a sad truth: I need to work on one of these at a time, or else I make mistakes.

I would rather feel like this:
I've got no deeds to do, no promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Wouldn't that be lovely?

I'll work on it. Really. Right after video number 4 is out the door, I'll get right on that next.

ASFR Galiana Demo #02

The Advanced Smart Fun Robotics demonstration conference call for the Galiana model android has been rescheduled, because the first one ended so... unexpectedly.

This time, We've added moderators at our remote locations to guard against override codes. What could possibly go wrong?

running time: 16:39
resolution: large (1440 x 1080) and small (320x240) are both included
format: WMV (contact me directly if you require a different format)

cost $20 (but if you purchased the first demo via NiteFlirt, check your NiteFlirt email for a special offer!)

And this time... I made a trailer!

As a side note, I'm pretty sure this series will continue, and I've decided that the tagline "What could possibly go wrong?" is one of the funniest things I've ever written. Hooray for malfunction fetishists...

Oh, What a Night

This past week, I had custom video requests, ideas for follow-ups from my last robot video, and a custom mp3 request. So it was time to fulfill those.

I started getting ready about sixteen hours ago. There's still video rendering (or is it called mixing down? I am sooooo new at this...), but it's all edited, and the people who ordered them have their links (to at least the small versions) and passwords. Yay!

I'm going to bed now, and whenever I get up "tomorrow" I'll put the public ones up for sale, including video previews, and a special offer for anyone who has ever bought pay-to-view items from me in the past! Exciting!

But while there are still progress bars crawling along, I thought I'd share teaser pics.

The night started with a custom video for the Galiana-bot, which will be on sale as something like "Monitoring Fembots and Changing Clothes". It starts with doing simple monitoring tasks and reporting in on the activities of all those crazy fembots out in the field:

Then after work, time to let off a little steam:

And then get gussied back up a bit:

For the second custom video, which will be called something like "Remote Control Introduction", a girl robot meets her new Master for the first time and shows him how to work the remote:

Then it was time for the rescheduled "Galiana Demo conference call #02", since the first one ended... how shall we say it? Unexpectedly.

Surely this one goes better. After all, now we have moderators! And look how much fun the Galiana unit is having!

Then it was time to fulfill a custom request along the lines of, "Can you look adorable and sweet and innocent and talk like a filthy slut who can't wait to get hold of my cock?" Why, yes, Sir, I'd love to!

And then the last video won't be for sale, because there's personal information in it that would be impossible to edit out and still have it make sense to anyone else, but I thought I'd let you see a bit of what he got.

It was delicious fun... up until I had to start working with editing and rendering and directories and passwords... all that dumb yucky stuff. Boo dumb yucky stuff. I need a submissive who wants to do my video editing for me :)

But obviously it was a good night, because the Fuckatorium looks like a stripper from Tron threw a party here.

Oh, what a night... (yes, I'm old enough to know the song that goes with the blog post title...)

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Custom Day

A happy confluence of events is leading me to work on custom requests today:

* In the past week, I've had requests for 4 custom videos, a custom picture set, and a custom mp3, some of which I could re-sell.

* Yesterday, I got an inexpensive (but well reviewed) "hot brush" curling-iron thingamadoodle, on the advice of an anonymous ex-hairdresser blog reader (thank you!) to try out straighten my hair on my own. Last night I played with it, with happy results.

* Today, I have high energy and high enthusiasm for filming. It's odd that the urge to do clips comes and goes with me, but I find it appears most often when I don't try to force it.

* Last night, I had a great relaxing evening off the phones last night, while getting many appreciative looks from people in the restaurant as I was leaving in my high heels and form-hugging little red dress, so I feel sexy.

* Today, my face is free of noticeable blemishes (one drawback of having young-looking skin: it behaves like it's young, too, so unless I tend to it meticulously twice per day, I break out like a teenager).

* Today, the sun is shining, so the lighting is easier.

I'll probably be on the phones tonight after I'm done fulfilling all my requests! Wish me luck!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Happy Anniversaries


... I got married. Happy Fifth Wedding Anniversary!

So tonight, I dressed up for our dinner celebration:

Anniversary Dress

The dress: the only Little Red Dress I've ever owned. Mom bought it for me last year for my birthday, specifically to wear today.

The accessories: chunky jewelry which matched my shoes. Wacky. It's almost like know how to dress myself sometimes.

The makeup: smoky eyes and red lips - to the point of being borderline trashy. My husband likes the raccoon look after... ummm... after the after-dinner-festivities, so I had fun with it.

The dinner: delicious seafood at the place that was the new, hot, hip place in 1985 when it opened (I was in high school then). I hoped it had not gone downhill now that it's a classic, and sure enough, it was still amazing. The blackened mahi topped with crawfish and shrimp and smothered in a cream sauce was just as divine as I was hoping it would be.

The conversation: My husband and I ask each other on anniversaries: What are your favorite memories of the past year? And what would you change if you could? Among our favorite memories were my celebratory 40th birthday photo shoot, and some conversations we've had triggered by phone sex conversations, so thank you, callers for contributing to the best parts of our year!


... I took my first phone sex call. Happy 3/4 Phone Sex Anniversary!

So what would I change if I could from the past nine months of phone sex?

I would have never tried chat-for-pay without an external system to police the amount of time spent. I would have gotten a good webcam and set up a cam listing earlier. I would have written the mistress / hypno listings to be more of a reflection of who I am rather than trying to reflect how I thought "those types of callers" might want me to be.

And what are my favorite memories of the past nine months of phone sex?

Being discovered by role play aficionados and realizing I loved that. Being discovered by hypnotism fetishists and realizing I loved that. Being discovered by robot fetishists and realizing I loved that. Being discovered on cam by foot fetishists and realizing I loved that.

And it's bizarre to admit it, even to myself, but... being discovered by humiliation and orgasm denial fetishists and slowly slowly slowly slowly realizing I love that, in a way I never would have expected. Shocking. I was sure I was never going to do either of those well, and never going to honestly enjoy them, and yet, here I am, looking forward to a few special denial and humiliation callers as much as I look forward to slow, sensual guided masturbation sessions where the caller gets off on hearing me climax.

I have amazing memories. The connections. The laughter. The tears. The confessions. The questions. The stories.

And, of course, the orgasms. Ohhhhhh, the orgasms. Nine months ago, I usually went a week without sex before I would masturbate, and now, I have to get myself off if I miss a day or two on the phones.

In fact, that may be my favorite thing about the past nine months: I'm even more sexual, and even more confident in my sexuality, than I was when I started.

Thank you, all my callers, and all my Flirt friends, and all my blog readers, for that amazing gift.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

First Draft of New Listings

I'm thinking of something like this when I update my listings this week... (except the pics will show up larger there)

Questions for you: What do you think? What am I missing? What do I have too much of? What could be better? Does it feel like "me" to you?

And... ideas for a new title? Help, I'm seriously stuck on that part...

My Blog: Get to know me better -

My Calendar: Log-in schedule for the next seven days -

My Voice: Hear a voice sample of me saying hi!

Fetish For Variety: It's hard to answer the question "what turns you on?" because the list is so long and varied. Soft and sensual, hard and rough, topping, subbing, teasing, degrading, or rubbing your shoulders while hearing about your crappy day at the office - I love all those, because it's the connection I enjoy most.

Your lust landscape probably has 50 things in it. My lust landscape probably has 50 bazillion things in it. I am confident we can find overlap, and build an amazing playground together.

Smart: A former data analyst / IT manager with a tendency to date programmers and engineers, what geek/gamer cred I don't have on my own, I have probably at least overheard. I'm happy to share my SAT scores, my IQ percentile, and where I went to college - you won't be disappointed!

Creative: I was a theater major and a creative writing minor (and went on to be paid to act a few times, and was given a miniscule amount for my erotic fiction to be published in print... but braggin' rights is braggin' rights, right?).

The important point is that I can keep the fresh ideas coming, and if you enjoy a good role play, I can fully join you in your fantasy.

Real: I really love having sex - I'm openly non-monogamous in my personal life.

I really love having phone sex – the discovery and exploration have been deeply enriching for me.

I really love getting to know a new lover - discovering how to make your breath catch from lust turns me on more than I can express.
I look forward to playing with you!
~ Galiana

P.S. I do have a few limits, but I don't want unsexy things on my listing, so write me if you have questions.

P.P.S. Those who take the time to read my blog or leave me satisfied feedback are especially treasured.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Role Play Up, Sex Down

I have a listing in the "Role Play" category that I started specifically to market to the ASFR / android / robot girl / technosexual / fembot / gynoid crowd. (Dear That Crowd: please settle on a name for yourselves... /grin )

And today, that listing is ranked higher as a Top Pick than my listing in the "Sex" category when you look in Find Women, which is the approximate equivalent of searching for "All Women". Or, if you're a geek, it’s a 'find . -print' from the root.

Top Picks is the default search order, and it is heavily weighted by activity in the past two weeks: calls, repeat calls, new callers, pay-to-views, click-through rate, and feedback.

My main listing has almost always been my highest Top Pick, with 36 pages of feedback and over 2000 lifetime ratings points.

What nudged my Role Play listing above it? A few things, I think, although the process is frustratingly mysterious, so I can't be absolutely sure.

One thing I know: I sold my Galiana-bot demo video under my Role Play listing, which helped it. And then I have a couple of callers who have found me there who want non-robot-themed role plays. I've taken a lot of (unexpected) time off the past two weeks, so my Sex listing has been slower. And then I had a nice, long, delicious call with a fembot fetishist ... and three of his android friends... oh, no, wait, make, that five of his android friends if you count the two lovely technicians who were testing the stamina of my upgraded pleasure controls when we started (thank goodness for lubrication conduits!).

The big differences between the two are the title and the voice sample. My Sex title is "Curvy, Fun, Creative, and a little Geeky!" And my Role Play title is "Trained Actress for RP: Robot, Escort, Bimbo...". The voice sample for the RP listing is the android voice sample, which shows vocal range for other roles as well, but mostly showcases my girlbot voice. The Sex voice sample is much more generic.

I'm so curious to see if I get a different kind of caller if this trend continues... The few I've picked up from the listing have been smart, creative, fun, and sexy sexy sexy, so if that continues, I'm happy to have my actress on top on my geek (well, goodness, that's a thoroughly distracting mental picture...)

I hope it doesn't get lost in the shuffle that I'm capable of having non-sexual conversations as well. And that it's not acting when I sound like I care about my callers. And that if a call has engaged me at all sexually, emotionally, or intellectually, it's not acting when I have an orgasm.

Let's not forget those things, okay?

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Request for Listing Input

I used to think that I did things in weird ways until I worked with dozens of programmers. Then I learned that most people do things in their own unique fashion, and that if you give them room to do things their way, often it will be most efficient for them.

When I have a big, complicated project looming -- like, for example, rewriting all my listings -- I need to ponder it a while before I actually start making changes.

I am currently in my mulling phase, which means I'm pleasantly distracting myself by importing my transaction detail into an Access database , and automating the process to parse customer name and transaction type.

Inner Data Analyst: It's about frikkin' time! The Excel process was killing me. Literally killing me dead, every frikkin' day. DEAD, I tell you! ...

Inner Data Analyst takes a while to calm down once she gets on a rant, so we'll let her unwind while we continue.

I have a request of you, Dear Reader, which is: Please let me know what you think I should keep and/or change about my current listing(s).


For my general listings, I currently have three listings with a mishmash of ideas presented in them:

* - Sex listing

* - Role Play listing

* - Cam listing

I want to stress that I'm smart, fun, playful, sex-positive, versatile / variety fetish, have a theater background, I care about the people who call me, and I consider myself more of a "lover" than a "girlfriend". Some of that is in there now, and some of it isn't.


For my hypno listings, I currently have one listing template:


I completely need to change it. Right now it makes me look sad. Or serious. Or boring. Or something. But definitely something that I am not.

I actually want to stress more of the same things I stress in my general listings: I'm smart, fun, playful, sex-positive, etc.

But I also need to emphasize that I really truly enjoy erotic hypnosis. I do. It's sexy as hell.

And that I'm willing to do hypno role plays, but if you're calling my hypno line, I am assuming that you want actual hypnosis.

And that I am a hypnotist, not a mind reader, and there are dozens of choices to be made, and that I need you to tell me what you like and what you want for you to get the most out of it. I'm okay with putting you under and asking you to tell me then, but if you can answer before I trance you, that would be ideal.

MISTRESS GALIANA LISTINGS (changing to Lady Galiana):

For my mistress listings, I currently have one listing template:


I also need to completely change it. First, I'm changing the name to "Lady Galiana", which I think is a better reflection of my topping style than "Mistress" or "Goddess" or "Princess".

I know, it sounds a bit like "Lady Gaga", but I like her fierceness, open sexuality, and unapologetic support of the LGBTQ community, so I'm okay if a comparison is made, jokingly in passing. I'm comfortable that I am my own person enough to wipe out that image quickly.

Next, the pictures and the language I'm currently using there are too formal and serious for me. When I'm in charge, I'm still smart, fun, playful, etc, and the listing currently doesn't convey that very well.

And I need to emphasize that I really truly enjoy dominating sexually. It's a huge power rush and a turn on for me.

And that I love sex, so I could very well choose to get off while I'm dominating or using you (I don't want my listings to be focused on what I am not, but I think there is a popular conception that mistresses don't allow submissives to make them come because then they lose control. Maybe that's true in some dominant relationships, but I'd rather have orgasms, thank you very much).

I like the stuff that's in there now about being cooperative, but lately, I've been thinking about my flavor of domination in terms of being a "service top" -- I enjoy playing a dominating role for the many of the same reasons I enjoy playing a submissive role: I love knowing my partners is getting exactly what s/he's been craving, and more. Giving control and taking control are both means -- for me, the end is ensuring an intensely delicious experience for both of us.


For all three of my logins / "characters" / personas, the common theme is: I love hearing my lover all grateful, satisfied, and happy after we're done.

Help me out gang. Give me phrases, themes, ideas for layouts, suggestions for pictures you think would work well, thoughts I'm missing, anything you can think of to help my next round of listings be exponentially more appealing than the current ones.


Monday, April 11, 2011

Buried Blog Post

Because I feel like I've written about my vertigo too much lately (and had too much vertigo lately, which has caused me even more erratic schedule than usual), I buried a new blog post by "publishing" it on Feb 1.

Plus, by burying it, the post won't hit rss feeds (they only look back 30 days), so nobody will stumble on it - I only want people to read it if they are genuinely interested in the topic.

The blog post is Meeting In Person, and it spells out, in extraordinary detail, every single last one of my complicated thoughts about the complicated topic of meeting a caller in person. Help yourself if you have way too much time on your hands.
Buried Blog Post

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Blog Moved!

I am thrilled, delighted, relieved, proud, happy, and wiggly enough to do a Snoopy dance to announce:

My new blog is live! Please drop by:

If you're subscribed via a feed reader, please switch your subscription to: - thanks!

You may correctly infer that is also live, but so far, there is no other content on the site other than the blog, and I suspect that will not change: if I continue to add more pages, I'll continue to do so through the WordPress pages engine.

It was quite the learning curve to get here. I've been a techie for 17 years, but I was a data analyst, so I never learned web stuff beyond very basic HTML (shame on me). So I had to learn about hosting, domain registration, and then all the WordPress specifics of themes and widgets and databases and plug-ins. Oh my.

In theory, some day, I'll use the site to launch all kinds of things. But for now, the big advantage is that a self-hosted WordPress blog on a custom domain shows up higher in search engine results than a blogspot blog (which is super peculiar since Google owns blogspot!), so hopefully relevant searches will direct people my way more often.

Plus, I have way more flexibility in look and feel with WordPress, which is nice. Well, nice and overwhelming, because of all the choices. But I'm happy with the theme I picked, and I know I'll continue to tweak the look and feel.

Yay! Go! Galiana!

(oh, great, Inner Cheerleader... now none of us will sleep tonight, because that frikkin' girl has no "Off" button...)

Woooo! Gimme a G!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Good Hair Week

The spa / salon I fell in love with when I got my massage a couple of weeks ago runs same-day specials of 25% off if you book last-minute, which puts their prices in the range I'm comfortable paying.

So on Tuesday, I got one of the best haircuts ever, and she used fantastic products on my hair, and she did an amazing job of blowing out my hair afterwards:

Galiana straight hair
Freshly cut and professionally styled

That's what inspired me to do the robot video on Tuesday (as well as a blackmail / humiliation / lingerie tease video that I haven't released yet), because my hair looked too fabulous not to photograph.

At the end of the evening, I got on cam with a caller, and he wanted me to take screen captures at the end of our time together, after I'd had a big fat happy orgasm, when we were snuggling long-distance:

end of night hair
The hair held up better than I did

Fast forward a few days to today, when I washed my hair with my normal product and let it air-dry when we went to dinner, on a normal spring day in Houston:

Friday night hair
Curls galore

How is it even possible that's the same head of hair? I don't know if you can tell, but at the bottom, there are actually a few ringlets.

Sadly for video fans, tonight's curl-fest did not inspire the same shooting frenzy as Tuesday.

But I got so many compliments on my hair in the robot girl video that I am considering blowing my hair straight more often... maybe... says the woman who sometimes has to be cajoled into wearing makeup... We'll see.

Data Analyst To The Rescue!

Every once in a while, it comes in handy to have been a data analyst.

Warning, if that last sentence seems boring to you, please stop reading now. This blog post is ridiculously geeky and has no place whatsoever on a phone sex blog.

Last night, I had re-motivated myself to do the SEO (search engine optimization) stuff for my new blog location. The point is for more people to find my blog via search engines. I know others have had fantastic results with driving traffic, and I'm proud of the blog, and sometimes people become callers after reading it, so it's worth it to me to SEO the blog.

I was taking data which existed (blog title, categories, the first 160 letters of the post as a description, etc), and pasting them into the appropriate fields in Word Press to populate the "meta" fields from my theme, and the "SEO" fields from my plug-in, just in case they were used differently.

I realized (1) I had only done about 20 blog entries out of 321 by copying and pasting, and (2) I was ready to gouge out my eyeballs from the boredom and tedium.

Thankfully, at that point, I remembered that WordPress has a MySQL back end, and although I almost never worked with MySQL (I did SQL server shops), and almost never done databases via a web interface, I guessed I could muddle way through it.

Sure enough, I figured out how to back up the database (the critical first step), and then understood the data structure pretty quickly. And may I just say for the record, wp_postmeta is a damn fine, dead sexy table. Seriously. Hooray for smart relational database design which allows infinite flexibility. I think I got a little heart-thumpy when I saw it.

I did the post titles and descriptions easily, although I had to look up INSERT INTO syntax, but hell, I did that when I was working with SQL every day, because I could never be bothered to learn syntax order beyond SELECT... FROM... WHERE... ORDER BY. Lazy? Or efficient? It depends on which productivity studies you read, but I choose to believe the latter.

Then came bugger #1: turn categories into tags. Categories and tags are both stored relationally, and if the same term is both a category and a tag, it's tracked via the incredibly crafty wp_term_taxonomy table, which practically had me swooning with delight.

So first I had to insert taxonomies for all my categories which had no corresponding tag, then link up the tables to figure out the blog post -> category -> tag relationship where none yet existed, and insert those. I was pretty proud of myself for knocking those out. Hoooray for WHERE ... NOT IN, amirite?

Then came bugger #2, which I had to sleep before I could do, because data analysis makes me hellaciously dizzy (not worse than all the damn copying and pasting, though): turning categories into keywords. The categories are stored relationally, but the keywords are stored as a concatenated comma delimited string, so I had to smush them.

And this is where I probably would have fired myself two years ago... I didn't have permission to do a temp table on the server, and didn't want to mess with my database permissions, and my SQL wasn't working right iterating through a dumb CURSOR, so I did the kludge-iest solution ever:
  • took the list of blog posts and categories and turned them into a pivot table, so each line had a blog post ID, and all of its category terms across 98 columns
  • copied the pivot table into Notepad to get raw text without table/cell delimiters
  • copied the raw text  into Word to replace tabs with commas
  • stripped out repetitious ", , " strings, which gave me a blog ID and its comma-delimited keyword string
  • used that blog ID and the keyword string to craft INSERT statements for each blog entry
  • ran the inserts on the server
Such a hack. Such an ugly, ugly hack. I can't decide if I'm horrified or delighted with myself. I hope nobody who ever worked for me ever finds this... although, if they did, they'd probably say "She always did say, if it's a one-time job, just frikkin' get it done. If you have to do it twice, then you're allowed to automate. At least she practices what she preaches."

So now I'm that much closer to announcing the new blog and asking everyone to move locations. I need to clean up the links on the "Where to Start" page, and create the other pages, but the SEO stuff was the hard part, and it's done.


Now it's time to stop boring my readers to tears, and return to my sexy!

Heartbreak and Phone Sex, Part VI

This time, the heartbreak is for me.

As I've explained vaguely elsewhere on the blog, I have mysterious neurological vertigo which makes me feel drunk all the time. And every now and then, it causes other glitches as well, as if my brain's electrical systems got fried: I mix up words, I can't finish a sentence, or writing no longer translates into words.

Or, in extremely rare cases of extraordinary exhaustion and vertigo combined, I have little episodes where I don't make sense for a few seconds, as if I've drifted into another reality, and I hallucinate a bit, as if I haven't slept for days.

The basic theory behind my vertigo is that my neurons in part of my brain aren't recharging fast enough, so once they fire, they need more time than normal to right themselves. So when I do certain tasks which require certain types of concentration, those neurons wear themselves out and become unable to fire after a while. As neurological impulses are re-routed to pathways which are not designed to handle those processes, chaos ensues.

In the flesh, sex makes me understandably dizzy -- fucking is a wiggly thing to do with a lot of sensory and visual stimulation, but as long as I'm rested when I start, I can have satisfyingly rambunctious sex for about an hour before I need to take a breather. Each round gets a little shorter until I give up completely after about round four. It's not ideal, but it works.

Writing, doing data analysis, and riding in cars work about the same way.

Phone sex has the advantage of mostly just being wiggly in my head -- I can keep fairly steady when I masturbate (although I do thrash some even when I'm alone, and when I'm on camera, I thrash like I do in the flesh, because I find masturbating on camera so ridiculously sexy).

So phone sex almost never triggers the deepest kinds of vertigo for me: most conversations don't last an hour; I almost always have time to rest between calls; one call is almost never cognitively similar to the next call, so different neural pathways get used, so the part of my brain that got tired on Call 1 can rest up during Call 2. So I often can go a whole night without needing to log out to grab a breather at all.

All of that is good - I can do this phone sex job because it almost never dizzy-fries me.

... almost ...

That's such a persnickety word, isn't it? Almost.

I've had three callers who trigger my vertigo to an unfortunate depth. They have the following things in common:
  • they like to talk for more than an hour at a time
  • they like it when I do most of the talking
  • what they like is repetitive in some way
  • they like me because I bring freshness and creativity to their somewhat repetitive request
  • their request does not focus on trading orgasms or engaging in direct sexual activity
For example, I have a caller who loves to talk about a woman having orgasm control over a man: cock tease and denial, blue-balling, and forcing interrupted orgasms when the male is allowed to climax, to ensure male sexual frustration remains high. He likes to repeat topics and questions, because he says the repetition helps enforce his will to remain in chastity, yet he loves that my answers are slightly different each time I give them.

Emotionally, I love talking to him, because I have to search for new phrases and metaphors, and I feel creative and smart and powerful to be able to play with him in such a specific niche space.

But physically... well... I hallucinated with him once. I don't think he knew that's what it was. It might have sounded like I drifted to sleep and starting having one of those dreams that was somewhat based on reality. I apologized for drifting and said I'd spaced out, and let him know I needed to head to bed at the next time we got the one-minute warning.

I felt guilty and weak for not being able to give him what he wanted. Then I felt angry for beating up on myself. Then I realized I was beating up on myself for beating up on myself, and that made me sad. And then I decided if I was too uncontrolled to stop having feelings about my feelings, I should call it a night and go the fuck to sleep already.

He's doing nothing wrong. I'm doing nothing wrong. It's just an unfortunate series of events, a peculiar twist of circumstances, the exact unforeseen set of parameters that cause the program to start throwing errors.

Another one is new. He's adorable, happy and fun. He wants to do role plays where I objectify him. I get to be creative, and bitchy, and have fun with the situations and the characters and the descriptions... and he wants long stories, at least half an hour long each. And he wants two. Or three. Or four. I've told him I'm running out of ideas, but it's not true. After two stories tonight, I found my cognitive processes in a rapid downhill slide, and the situations themselves no longer made coherent sense to me.

I don't know how to tell someone, "I'm so sorry, but fulfilling your fantasy accidentally makes me stupid."

It's fucking... unfair, dammit. Or, as one of my favorite callers says, usually in amusing contexts, "Dammit so much." But that's seriously how I feel. Dammit. So. Much.

I want to feel like a badass. I don't want to be fragile. I love the gusty, lusty, go-hard-or-go-home attitude that I almost always have when I'm on the phones. I want to tell one more story, answer one more question, repeat that patter one more cycle, and not have to rest. I don't want to have to feel so damn human so often, with all the dumb limitations that dumb humans have. Can't I be a robot or a machine that never breaks down?


And yet, I know I need to keep myself off of the slippery slopes that lead to real downtime. I'm not helping anyone with those.

So. If I send you here, to read this blog post, and I tell you that you are one of these types of callers, I will have to impose time limits on you. I'm sorry.

I don't want you to worry about me: (a) worrying is the opposite of sexy and (b) I know how to take care of myself and stop the slide from happening, that's not your job. Your job is to enjoy the time we have together, and not take it personally when I have to go.

Please, please, please, believe me: I wish, I wish, I wish, with all my heart, that I could hang with you as long as you wanted me to. If I didn't enjoy our time together, I'd break up with you and tell you to find another provider (yep, really, I've done that several times), but I'm not doing that.

I want to share the thing we have. I do. I just need to do a little less of it.

I'm so sorry. I know it's for the best, and yet, it breaks my heart a little for both of us.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Android Demo Video

I am sooooo excited to announce my first robot girl video! I have been practicing my robot movement with technosexual callers via cam calls, and they convinced me that I was strong enough to finally release a video.

The storyline is mine, and it's original, but it pulls heavily from the preferences of my callers. I've created a fictional company who manufactures the "Smart Fun Galiana" model of fembot. The company is named Advanced Smart Fun Robotics (ASFR).

(side note: ASFR also stands for, so that's pretty a freakin' awesome name, if I do say so myself... It started off as just SFR, but then I realized that it was close to ASFR, and one of trusted robot cutie fans suggested the "Advanced" /grin)

Anyway, over at Advanced Smart Fun Robotics, it is common for potential customers to request demonstrations via video call. Usually, when a conference call hosts more than one potential customer at a time, a human mediator is present, but none were available for this particular call, and the unit in question was in tip-top shape, so she ran the call on her own.

What could go wrong? Right? 
Common requests include showing more cleavage:
showing all angles:
demonstrating personality:
demonstrating "robot mode":
and... umm.... well, that's unusual for an android to be pulling out vibrators.
But this particular conference call had several specialty customers on the line, and maybe it was a particular... ummm.... request...
Oh dear.

The run time is 15:38, the format is WMV, the price is $20 (contact me to get a conversion to another format if you wish). To purchase the video "Advanced Smart Fun Robotics - Galiana Demo 01" for $20 via NiteFlirt, click here:

I suggest you buy it now, before the management at ASFR sees it and tries to get it out of circulation - the images on this video are bound to be bad for the brand...

Monday, April 4, 2011

Down the Rabbit Hole

Yet again, I'm taking on a big project that will take me down a rabbit hole. My last big project was to post a bunch of picture sets for sale.

The current project is to optimize my new blog format for SEO (search engine optimization). No, I haven't announced the location of my new blog yet, because it's not done being set up yet, but I'll be ready after I do the SEO stuff. It involves scraping the blogger tags / descriptions / titles off each post and pasting them into the SEO keywords in WordPress. It's uncreative, tedious work. Wish me well, and light a candle for my sanity...

My next project will be to re-do all my listings. All bazillion of them. Okay, so there are just forty-something, but it feels like a bazillion. I'm not turning on Mistress Galiana or Hypno Galiana until they've been reworked, because they're not personalized by listing, the messages aren't exactly what I want them to be, and they are currently making me unhappy.

I know I'm a little obsessive about this kind of thing. And I often wonder if I'm doing anything to move my business forward, or if I'm just doing busy work that is closely related to phone sex *enough* to keep my mind in a sexy place between calls.

Then I get happy reassurances. For example, last weekend, I sent one of my new picture packages as a pay-to-view email to a long time caller who had expressed interest in my pictures. He bought them, he loved them, and he called me for an hour to talk about his responses! And the last time I re-did my listings, I had several callers spend time on the phone telling me why they liked the re-design...

So does that justify my compulsive efforts, or does it just add fuel to a dangerous fire?  /grin

Friday, April 1, 2011

OKCupid and April Fools' Day

My sister just called me, and started the conversation with, "This is not an April Fools' Day joke, although it sounds like one."

(side note: Last time she said that, she was unexpectedly pregnant. Seriously, why the hell would you tell your family you're pregnant on April Fools' Day? Answer: she didn't realize what day it was when she told Mom, but then she had to tell me that same day. Poor Mom answered, "That's not funny" and they had quite a conversation while my sister figured out why she had responded that way.)

I have an OKCupid profile, and it's active, because every few weeks, I get a request from a caller to look at his profile and give him my honest feedback on it. I love doing it, and along the way, I've answered a bunch of questions out of the curiosity of "I wonder how he answers this question."

Shortly after I relocated to Houston, I set my OK Cupid profile to Houston, so I'd stop getting emails from people in Austin, which set off a flurry of emails from people in Houston. One man in particular caught my attention briefly (before I realized: "Seriously, Galiana, you can't even predict when you'll be logging in. You don't have time to look for a lover right now.").

As we talked, though, I realized that he was exactly my sister's type. Now, my sister is married, but she's got a healthy appreciation for certain types of gentlemen, and she had made an OKCupid profile ages ago to look at her friend's profile to give her feedback, and then answered the questions out of curiosity... sound like anybody you know?

So I told her about this guy, so she reactivated her profile and looked at his information, and affirmed that yes, I can spot her type from a mile away. And then she got a couple of mails and realized she should re-deactivate her profile.

But on the way there, she stopped by her Quiver matches (where OKC pulls 3 profiles that they think might interest you) out of curiosity. And her first match was...

Galiana Chance.

Could. Not. Stop. Laughing.