Monday, September 20, 2010

Blurry Lines

I agree with the Terms Of Service (TOS) rules of the phone sex service I use: no pedophilia, no non-consent, no incest, no animals, no piss, no poop, no racial degradation, no violence. Easy enough, right? But some lines are blurrier than they seem.

Consent: If we consensually and calmly agree to role play a kidnap fantasy, with very specific limits, is that non-consent?

Racial Degradation: I'm on the phone with a black guy who is being dominant, and he says, "tell me you want this big n* cock." If I say it, is that racial degradation?

Family: If I'm a hitchhiker on my way to Woodstock in '69, and we negotiate that I can pay my way with blowjobs, and I call him "Big Daddy", in an era where that phrase was common, is that incestuous?

Family, Part Two: Off-phone reality: When the hippie lesbian clerk at the sex toy shop calls me "Momma", is it incest play or just part of being a hippie lesbian in Central Texas?

Violence: if someone wants to role play rescuing a damsel in distress, so I've been in a car crash and have injuries, is that violence?

Pedophilia: Since I was under the age of consent when I lost my virginity, is it pedophilia to describe my early sexual history? What if I don't specify the age?

I understand the allure of taboo, a fascination with the forbidden, that sometimes it doesn't matter what taboo is being discussed, it's just the fact that the subject is off-limits that is appealing. There is a thrill in "getting away with it," regardless of what "it" is.

I have to make my own judgements, of course, with edge cases. I try to negotiate with callers to find common comfort zones. When we can create a common ground, that's fantastic. When we can't, I hang up and wonder ... if I were just *that* much more creative, would I have been able to come up with something?

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