Thursday, September 23, 2010


Chatting online (messenger, gchat, that kind of thing) is possible for me. It doesn't make me too dizzy to read and write one or two lines at a time. No scrolling, no big eye movements, it's all good.

So when I started as a phone sex operator, I thought I would offer to chat-for-tips. Turns out, since the phone sex service doesn't monitor or control chats, they don't allow them to be paid through the service. My listing got taken down for offering it. Oops.

In the few weeks where I was doing chat-for-tips, though, I quickly realized why other phone sex operators said they'd never do it.

People would stall. "Okay, yeah, sure, I'll send a tip in a minute, but first, let me just clarify the fantasy I want to play out..." which inevitably would lead to us exploring a fantasy and me not being paid for my time or imagination.

People would get pissy if I didn't respond immediately, even if they had not compensated me for my time. Seriously, just keep away from the "buzz" function on your Yahoo! Messenger. Nothing good comes of it, I promise. 

People would be expect social chat off the clock. "I don't want to play or anything, just wondering how you are, sweetie?" which either leads to me spending time and energy connecting with them without compensation, or I would ignore them and they would get upset.

People would haggle over prices. On the phone lines, the rate is the rate, and although sometimes people ask me to lower rates (I don't), usually everybody understands it is a no-haggle-zone. Haggling for chat pricing, however, seemed commonplace.

When I'm not on the phone, I'm either doing things to be a better phone sex operator - like sending follow-up notes, putting together picture packs, writing blog posts - or I'm living my off-phone life. I cuddle or play fetch with the dogs, my husband pops in to chat, I pay bills, I stretch, I put away dishes, I go to the bathroom or get a snack, I read fun blogs, I fuck my husband, I fuck my lover... whatever. It's my life, I do life stuff. But the point is, if I'm not on a phone sex call, I have plans for my time.

When phone sex customers act as if they are entitled to my time and energy without offering compensation, I become annoyed and unpleasant, and I don't like being either of those things. It's not my best me. And I'm a girl who tries to be her best (even before the phrase was unfortunately overused in the tragic train wreck that was "Dollhouse" the TV series. Oh, Joss...).

It ended up a relief overall to stop offering chat. I have fewer interruptions and get more done.

Of course, people still figure out my chat ID and drop by sometimes, with compliments about the blog (I love ego fodder!) or inquiries about whether or not their fantasy is out-of-bounds for my limits (I love honest, respectful questions!). When those chats last for 5 minutes, they feel like a reasonable, professional exchange, and sometimes even a refreshing boost in my day.

And sometimes, I will extend chats gratis, especially for people with whom I've had satisfying conversations.

For example, the other day, a repeat caller popped into chat to check my availability. He had checked my listings first and I was logged out (good for him!), but he saw I was in chat, so just wanted to check (reasonable enough). Unfortunately, I had just traveled, so I was too dizzy to get on the phone, which he graciously thanked me for being honest about (what a sweetheart!). Then we happened to wander into a fascinating, meandering chat discussion about blackmail fetishists. We both took huge long pauses mid-conversation (we were both multi-tasking), and no money changed hands, but it was relaxed and pleasant, and he didn't act as if I owed it to him. As I signed off for bed, he thanked me for my time, wished me sweet dreams and a less dizzy next day, and assured me he would call again soon (and he has).

It was a lovely, respectful moment that we both enjoyed, but we were specific about it being a fluke, and neither of us took it for granted - I probably appreciated the connection and his concern at least as much as he appreciated my attention and my referring him to other web sites to learn more. Chicken soup for sex workers, I suppose.

So no, I don't offer chat as a service, but feel free to drop in with quick availability questions, or, of course, to tell me I'm wonderful.

No comments:

Post a Comment