Orgasmic Greediness and Insecurity

During some cuddly, chatty afterglow, a caller said, "At one point, I was coaching you to come, really pushing for your orgasm, so much so that I was momentarily distracted from my own stroking, and I thought for a second, 'Wait, who is the phone sex operator here?'"

No kidding.

Somewhat similar to sex-free phone sex, sometimes I've had entire conversations consisting of me having a climax or two, with no reciprocal male orgasm at all. If you've read this blog entry, you can probably understand why I always feel a little imbalanced after those calls. Why did you get your blessing and deny me mine? Did I use up too much time? Too much energy? Did I do something wrong? Was my orgasm not stimulating for you? I have to reassure myself that it's okay, and trust that my partner knows what pleases him.

I love playing with the power dynamic of wanting to have an orgasm, but waiting for permission before I pop. It lends itself to variety: shall I earn the right to come, or just beg for it? And even if we're sharing control with nobody designated as the top, the concept works nicely because it is paid phone sex: it's your call, so maybe I should ask before I hijack the call with my pleasure (not, of course, if I'm obviously in charge - if you've asked me to dominate you or seduce you or teach you, then I'll let my waves rise and crest at whatever speed and frequency I desire).

I am intensely aware that my climax could be distracting for you, and maybe I'm just being greedy. Old issues can pop up, remnants from a time when I questioned if my higher-than-average sex drive meant something was wrong with me, an idea planted during arguments as a relationship dissolved unpleasantly. I  went so far as to have my hormones tested - all normal - and explore with a therapist whether or not I am a sex addict - I'm not. I mean, honestly, almost every day, someone calls to guide me as I masturbate, so if that's not what is happening on this call, shouldn't I be able to hold off until I'm sure you have the enjoyment you're seeking? How much pleasure should one girl need in a day?

Inner Protective Samurai (appearing suddenly but silently, as if materialized from the air): Well, hello there, old voices of shame. You feel familiar, and full of lies. I shall take this opportunity to slice you to ribbons with the sword I spend my days sharpening. (whooshing noises) And now I shall have tea. (disappears)

The rest of the Inner Cast loves Inner Protective Samurai a lot. We think everyone should have one. Her sword is sharpened by the knowledge that "female copulatory vocalization" is common in primates, and has been scientifically proven to arouse the interest of males. It's the way of nature, Galiana, let it flow.

Okay. I will. I'll try. I mean... Could you do me a favor? If you call and we spend a lot of time with me having orgasms, especially if you don't have one, could you let me know that you enjoyed yourself? Thanks.