Thursday, October 14, 2010

Masturbation Superstar Awesomeness

I've never laughed that hard after a call ended. You totally win, babe.

Meet the Masturbation Superstar, aka The Avid Masturbator (@AvidMasturbator on Twitter), aka Brad Hamilton (from Fast Times at Ridgemont High). He's one of the wankers from my Sex-Free Phone Sex post, and he loves attention, and he loves being "outed" by the women he calls. I hope he likes details being shared!

Our calls usually follow a pattern: we chat about women he finds sexy while he expertly strokes himself, and when he's close, I tell him who to have an orgasm for. I'm fascinated by his "guilty pleasures", women who are outside the mainstream of young, tight, Hollywood-types, but he finds worthy of his affections anyway.

But this one topped them all: Christine O'Donnell, the crazy lady running for governor of Delaware, spoofed by Saturday Night Live for her "I'm not a witch" campaign commercial, and also for her active campaigning against masturbation.

Wow. She's anti-masturbation. She is exactly not a phone sex operator's best friend.

But as Brad told me that he had developed a new crush on her, I saw how utterly delicious it was. His fantasy was that he wanted Ms O'Donnell to catch him masturbating, start lecturing him on how wrong it was, but find the whole thing so sexy that she couldn't tear herself away, so she was left in slack-jawed awe as he came for her. That he masturbated thinking about her, calling her name, covering his hand with evidence of the avid masturbation she helped inspire... The whole thing left me saying "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Gentlemen, the gauntlet of Most Awesome Fantasy Ever has been thrown down. Start your engines.

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