Sunday, November 21, 2010

Marry Me, Google Analytics!

I try not to type anything at all in all caps, because it makes me look less literate, and I'm supposed the smart, articulate phone sex operator, right? Right. I'm calm, well-educated, and sometimes consult Strunk & White.


But sometimes it's necessary. Like for instance, when, for three months, you've been blathering on about how much you love data, and how you're trying to find trends in your totally non-trending data, and how you start making up stories from the meager information available in Blogspot's "Stats" tab... and then you find out that there's a whole world of data available for free if someone would have just told you that Google Analytics offers about a billion times more information than Blogspot's Stats.

(side note: ... which makes no sense at all, because Google owns Blogspot (aka Blogger), so you'd think that the information on the Blogspot Stats tab would be the best stats that Google could give you. But no, you'd totally and utterly be wrong. The Stats tab compares to Analytics the way an anemic neglected flea-ridden yard dog compares to Sadie, the Scottish Terrier that won Westminster this year)

I just got my second day of data. Now I can COMPARE THINGS!! IT'S SO EXCITING!

FYI: Data is aggregated by day, so although I can tell that someone was reading me from Copenhagen (hi, Denmark!), and I can tell that people arrived at my blog via NiteFlirt, Twitter, another Flirt's blog, and a few Google searches, I cannot tell specifically how the person in Copenhagen found me. Well, not unless that reader was the only person reading my blog all day, which I hope never occurs. 

I think I'm hyperventilating a little. I'M SO IN LOVE!!

And just when I thought that surely I had run out of posts about data on my phone sex blog. You remember it, don't you? The blog that was supposed to be about phone sex? Not the blog that is supposed to be about the futility of trying to analyze data about phone sex?

I'll do my best to spread out the data posts but now that I know that my average pages per visit is 477% HIGHER than the small site benchmark, how can I possibly not share that with you?!? IT'S TOO WONDERFUL NOT TO SHARE!

Maybe I've had too much caffeine.

Serious Offer: If you can prove to me that you're a member of the Google Analytics team, I will totally throw free minutes at you and let you listen to me masturbate while I ask you questions about your job. That same offer still stands for the OK Cupid data analysis team, too, by the way. I love you soooooo much /sniffle


  1. Dammit -- I always work in the wrong places! :)