Monday, December 6, 2010

How to Explore Lust Landscapes in Three Minutes or Less

Several of my earliest blog posts mentioned lust landscapes, especially The Best Thing So Far, and this quote from a later blog post:: 
I believe that any two people who are willing to engage emotionally have the ability to create a unique space together. Person X has a lust landscape with 50 things in it. I have a lust landscape with 50 things in it. Our 15 things that overlap become our playground, with unique features, unique possibilities, and a unique feel. I love creating and exploring those playgrounds.
I'm feeling the urge to elaborate. Those explain the concept, but today I want to explain practically how to quickly find mutual ground on each other's lust landscapes with the pressure of limited time.

Some callers know exactly what they want, which makes it easy. I listen to their explanation or request, ask clarifying questions about my part (including attempting to redirect anything off-limits for me), and then it's up to me to find the overlapping desires on my own.

The decider/scripter dynamic is less attractive to me when it includes answering the phone to "suck it, bitch" or some other indicator that they're not interested in my real-world responses. Then I do my job, and it feels like a job, by describing something sexy and faking my involvement. These calls are non-draining for me emotionally and physically, but they're boring.

The decider/scripter dynamic is far more attractive to me when someone tells me what they want as the beginning of a conversation, as the starting place for spinning a tale together. I love that.

For example, Saturday night, I had a new caller tell me that he can't feel intimacy without pain. So the choices weren't wide open, because we were going to play with pain, but then he wanted to hear my thoughts as well. The conversation about our interests was foreplay. As we revealed more about what we liked and found overlap, we both obviously got worked up, so by the time we started playing, it was immediately intense. And devilishly fun.

(For the record, I love the physiology of mild or moderate pain during sex -- the addition of flight-or-fight hormones adds delicious intensity to sex for me, but I don't want to have recovery time with anything severe like cutting or branding).

So when a caller knows what they like, and allows me some co-creation wiggle room, I can emphasize aspects which are more appealing to me to ensure my active participation. Many of my favorite calls have been co-created just like this.

Some callers want to know what I like, and pick something that overlaps for them. Pickers are easy for  me now, with practice, although it threw me for a loop when I was new. My mentality was so customer-focused that it was hard to turn the attention to myself and honestly believe that someone would call a phone sex line wanting to please me. Silly me. Not a problem anymore!

If a pleaser is leading the conversation, it is super-simple: I answer questions honestly, and let them know if something is turning me on. Sometimes, pleasers get so stimulated by simply discussing my lust landscape that they masturbate to just that. If they admit to stroking, I admit that's smokingly hot (because what's not to love about someone getting turned on by me talking about myself?), and they usually finish to my vividly detailed expansion of their favorite answer thus far.

If a pleaser wants me to lead, I have built sort of a mental decision tree: You in charge, me in charge, or both? Vanilla or kink? Pain? Restraints? Humiliation? There are so many options of things I enjoy that I have to limit myself and try to get just enough mutually exciting components for us to begin, without letting the question period drag on too long. Y'know, unless they're into interrogations...

Some callers say they want me to choose. Out of the blue, with no context whatsoever, they want me in charge, want me to choose. I have no idea if they're hoping I will force them to dress in women's lingerie (yum), tie them down and sit on their face (yum), kneel them in front of me to worship my feet with their tongue (yum), or call them useless pathetic cum rags and describe how my three black friends with huge cocks are going to use their ass and mouth (yum).

I think I've come up with a creative solution for this: I play a little game I call "one or two or both". One: I tease you. Two: you get to have an orgasm. You have to choose one or two or both. Those who don't initially want to choose are reprimanded, usually with the phrase, "That is a chickenshit answer, and I am displeased. Answer me or get the fuck off my phone." That seems to clear up confusion. And it amuses me.

In reality, subs have the same decision tree as pleasers, except I know the first answer: I'm in charge. 

I could probably write out my entire decision tree if someone asks for it. In the meantime, hopefully you now feel more empowered to figure out your sexual overlap in three minutes or less. Class is dismissed. Well, except for you two in the back who were passing notes. You'll need to stay after...

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