Thursday, December 23, 2010

Outside Perspectives Can Help

I have a caller who has been trying to avoid thinking about a certain type of fetish, and he used to watch a lot of videos about this certain thing, so now when he goes to the YouTube home page, he's inundated with reminders. I recommended not logging in when he goes to YouTube, or making a new account, so it wouldn't remind him.

He followed my suggestion, and realized how much energy he'd been wasting fighting off those images, and felt silly for not having thought of the solution on his own. I told him in an email:
I've noticed that "thinking of doing something different than what you've been doing" isn't a skill humans have in abundance.
I just got off the phone with a caller who had vague fantasy-images in his head of being with a dominant woman, having his hands bound, being stripped, being blindfolded, and getting spanked, and maybe even fucked in the ass by her. But he sounded confused and conflicted about why the idea was erotic to him of being hurt or roughed-up. He described himself as very masculine, and almost always in control.

I pointed out to him that he didn't have to be forced to give up control, and asked him to tell me how it felt to imagine agreeing to be controlled. For example, what if he agreed to be controlled by me, and a girlfriend who had agreed to follow my lead? We started with his hands bound behind his back, running our hands over his clothes, to get him used to the feeling of not being able to guide or stop us. Then we started undressing him and adding our mouths to the sensations.

I heard the light bulb go off in his head. Consensual, sensual domination by two women who were taking their time teasing him, binding him, feeding him flesh and fruit and cheese and wine and more flesh, and slowly building to a climax of him deeply taking a stiff silicone dick while his own cock was surrendering to a soft, wet, expertly skilled mouth. Oh. Yes. Please. He'll have lots of exactly that, thanks ever so much, ohgodyespleaseyespleaseyesplease, if his confession of "I'm about one minute away from falling deeply in love with you" was any indication.

Sometimes it helps to talk about the things that are stuck rattling around in your brain. Sometimes, someone else's perspective can rotate you the one degree you need in order to find the thing you were looking for. And sometimes, if I'm very fortunate, I have the chance to be the one doing the rotation. I'm a lucky girl.

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