Sunday, December 12, 2010

Nina Hartley Nails It

I've been a fan of Nina Hartley since seeing "Nina Hartley's Guide to Oral Sex" about ten years ago (it came out in 1994). I learned that men can eat pineapple and kiwi to make their cum taste sweeter (totally true), and I learned that one mental image of a woman's sweet blue eyes absolutely lighting up as she dives enthusiastically onto a cock can stick with you forever in the best way.

But now, I'm an even bigger fan, and also deeply impressed after reading an interview with Nina here, at the Beautiful Kind blog:

Nina talks about whether porn is degrading to women, and she makes some excellent points, including some things I've thought, but haven't yet put into words. Her foundational statement is, "Since I don't feel that sex is something men "do" to women, and that I, as a modern woman, have the right to the sex I want ... then the sex I've had on camera has not degraded me."

My thoughts are more about phone sex than porn, obviously, but sex in general as well. A curious wanna-be phone sex worker asked how I "got over" the idea of my pictures being out on the internet, and what if friends of mine found them, and she wouldn't want to know how gross her guy friends are if they found the pictures and masturbated to them.

I told her I didn't think it was gross if her male friends are attracted to her. I think that being sexually attractive, enjoying sexual attention, and deriving pleasure from sexual acts should not be considered "masculine" endeavors. I feel empowered as a woman when I enjoy sex, and when I celebrate the part of myself that likes sex. I don't think it is any different than celebrating my love of art or movies or psychology or spirituality - my enjoyment of sex is one part of me that makes me who I am, and it is okay for someone else to appreciate that part of me.

I find it sad and troubling that so many women give their sexual power to men, as if only men are allowed to crave sex, or enjoy thinking about sex. I hope I am doing my part to encourage women to embrace the pleasure they get from having sex, and from being sexual creatures.
I read a thread about being on dating sites as a male versus being a female, and I remember how assaulted I used to feel by male lust sometimes, that I couldn't leave my house without accidentally invoking sexual attention, despite my best efforts to hide from it.

But I think that was a symptom of me not having accepted myself as a sexual creature, and not yet having embraced the power that can come from being in control of my sexual destiny. Once I figured out what I like sexually, now I love feeling that energy come to me.

In conclusion: Thanks, Nina, for showing me how to love giving great head, and now again for re-energizing my thoughts around claiming my power as a happily sexual woman.

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