Friday, April 22, 2011

Relief and Pride and Change

I wrote a story in 2002 that includes the sentence, "Relief and pride flood me so completely I almost faint."

I felt that way yesterday.

My husband has been looking for a full-time job for "a while". I've been holding my breath, waiting to see what changes his job will cause for that exact same "a while".

Yesterday, he got a great job offer. Then he negotiated it well, so he accepted an even better job offer.

I'm so relieved. I'm so proud.

And I'm so... brain-spun. I can't stop thinking of all the what-ifs and what-it-might-means: for my schedule, my energy, my availability for phone sex, my disposable income, my ability to relax and "forgive myself" when I can't be on the phones...

And the issues of today are still the issues of today until we get his first full pay check, so I am attempting to budget for three versions of "then" while attempting to responsibly live "now".

At least I'm not concerned about feeling safe when he's working, because I have a rescued pit bull mix with anxiety issues. Anybody stupid enough to try to harm me will not. be. pleased. (She's also a handy deterrent for door-to-door solicitors...)

I suspect my schedule will shift again, like it did after we moved, but I'm not sure in which direction. I will probably log on with with my dominant and hypno listings more often again (after I rewrite them), but I don't know for sure.

I like predictability. My body likes routine. The move tossed me off the schedule I had in Austin, and I've been struggling to get back to something regular again.
I cannot begin to express how much I am looking forward to settling in to this new version of my life!

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