International Callers to NiteFlirt

"Lauren Rules" put together a fantastic how-to for international callers wanting to use NiteFlirt. The web site won't dial you at an international number, but you can dial into the phone system yourself, or you can use Skype to get a US number.

I'm just going to link to Lauren's page instead of pasting the instructions here, in case she updates:

http://laurenrules.com/international.html

Thanks tons, Lauren! You definitely rule for sure!! 

Data Better Unanalyzed

In general, I try to live by the concept, "Don't ask the question if you don't want to know the answer."

But today, ignoring the nagging warning in the back of my mind, I answered my lingering question, "What percentage of my income has been from very short calls (less than 5 minutes)?"

I was hoping to be pleasantly surprised by a high number like 10% -- some number I wouldn't want to lose. And I expected that pleasant surprise to fuel my motivation to give my best for new callers who seem to be on a short-call pace.

The answer, unfortunately, was "about 2%". Rats. That answer does not motivate me.

And being less motivated for new, fast callers makes it more likely for me to do something stupid like: assume a new caller is a fast, non-repeat caller and lose interest, thereby boring the caller (who is actually looking for a great conversationalist with whom to while away a leisurely hour or two) into ensuring that they never call me back.

Darn data. Why do you have to be so accurate? Can't you lie to me? Just this once? Please?

Dear Galiana: Forget you ever asked. And don't get lazy. Love, Galiana.

Upsetting Trend

I've had five callers in the past few days do something really upsetting: I've been logged in, available for calls, and they've let me know they wanted to talk with me via email while I've been away from my computer. All five have ended up missing the chance to talk altogether.

When I'm logged in to the system and available for calls, THAT RIGHT THEN is the perfect time to call me. It doesn't matter if I'm away from my computer, I'll still have the phone with me. If I'm helping with dinner, or bring the dogs inside from our muddy back yard, or sorting through paperwork, or reading a friend's script draft, the phone is the best way to reach me, which is why I'm logged in.

I'm very good at managing my logins. If it is not a good time to call, I will log out. If I'm logged in, it is a great time to call. I promise.

I can't tell you how many times someone has been "setting up for a call" and someone else has called instead, and the original caller has said, "I wish I had just called you." Yes. Please. Just call. 

If you want to set something up via email, then call me for 1 minute to say "Could you check your email?" and I will happily go to my computer, read the scene you have imagined for us, and let you know that I'm in the right head space for you to call me back. However, the very real risk exists that someone else will zoom in and catch me first. You're a blog reader! I'd rather talk with you! I promise!

So seriously, please, don't miss the moment altogether by waiting for me to answer email! Zoikes!

New Girl Alert: Julie In Red

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A Really Great Call

Just before I left for my holiday travel, I had a super-fun call with someone who likes to guide and tease me as I masturbate.

This particular call, the batteries were out on my normal red vibrator, so I used the pink egg vibrator for insertion, and the purple bumpy one for clitoral stimulation.

I always get wet when I masturbate, but this time it just so happened to form an awesome, easily visible ball of girl-goo on my vibe, so I took a picture.

You can see my discarded panties at the foot of the bed, and the rumpled covers that make it clear I had been thrashing. Boy, had I ever...

And yes, absolutely I cleaned it off. Cum of either gender does not go wasted in this household. Yum.

Back From Holiday-ing

I'm home a day earlier than I thought I'd be, back in the Fuckatorium, with a big long list of new blog entry ideas, to-dos for reworking my listings, and lots of energy for phone sex. I was logged in a few times while I was traveling, but if you wanted to find me and missed me, I'm sorry to have missed you (and a reminder: send me an email on NiteFlirt or at galiana at ymail dot com if you want to request that I come on at a certain time for you - I can often accommodate).

Dancing: One night, I wasn't logged in due to going out with my sister (on anti-vertigo meds that let me do more for short periods of time), and the guy in his late 40s who dances exactly like my father (who passed away in 1993 at the age of 50). Dad was a great dancer, but had an unusual style: he kept his elbows close and liked to pop his partner back to him in this very learned-to-dance-during-the-jitterbug-craze kind of a way. My sister and I didn't remember ever seeing anybody dance that much like him before, much less someone who was probably born 20 years after Dad.

Normally I rule out vigorous dancing, even with meds, but ... how could I pass it up? I explained to his wife that he danced more like my father than anyone I've seen in 17 years, and she graciously agreed to loan him to me for his next jitterbug. I chose not to tell him that he could make me violently ill by spinning me around. So sure enough, he spun me around fast and hard - pretzels and loops and even a dip at the end! A few times I just closed my eyes and squealed like I was on a roller-coaster, which was apparently the only way in those moments that I could figure out to hang in there. Getting back to the table without looking like I was falling-down drunk was a major accomplishment (well, I'm sure I looked falling-down drunk - I stumbled into the railing around the dance floor, but I didn't actually fall, which was good), and the rest of the night was spent mumbling incoherently and trying to hold my head still. It was totally worth it.

The Room: I had a kick-ass room: my mother's apartment complex has a guest room that was clearly designed by swingers in the 1970's - the bed is raised two steps higher than the rest of the room, behind the bed is a solid wall of mirrors, next to the bed - in the bedroom - is a giant jacuzzi tub (awesome!!), and the jacuzzi has mirrored walls on two sides. It's porn-tastic.

Me facing the bed,
taking pic in mirrored wall behind the bed,
with the Jacuzzi tub all the way on the left

Oh, and there's no dining table. Who needs a place to sit and eat when clearly this room was made for mad fucking? Unfortunately, my husband wasn't able to join me, so I didn't get to have sex in the room (boooooo).

However, I did take a luxurious soaking bath. No, I didn't have bubble bath stuff. No, I didn't take pictures. It was just me relaxing in all the cheesy glory.

The Gift Call: On Christmas Day, I was pretty exhausted, but woke up about 2 a.m., intuitively convinced that I needed to be logged in for phone sex. I don't always follow my hunches, and sometimes I have them but nothing comes of them, but this one wasn't going away, so I logged on by about 2:30 (after having to reboot my computer and reset the wi-fi) and drifted back to sleep.

Just before 3 a.m., one of my earliest, best, favorite callers rung me, and his first words were, "I was praying you'd be on." I was filled with gratitude, and then filled with his flesh for intensely gratifying snuggle-sex, and then filled with gratitude again. The conversation was a fantastic gift to both of us.

My Wish For You: I hope the past eight days were everything you hoped they would be, and that your vision of the upcoming new year is full of joy, peace, and amazing sex!

Outside Perspectives Can Help

I have a caller who has been trying to avoid thinking about a certain type of fetish, and he used to watch a lot of videos about this certain thing, so now when he goes to the YouTube home page, he's inundated with reminders. I recommended not logging in when he goes to YouTube, or making a new account, so it wouldn't remind him.

He followed my suggestion, and realized how much energy he'd been wasting fighting off those images, and felt silly for not having thought of the solution on his own. I told him in an email:

I've noticed that "thinking of doing something different than what you've been doing" isn't a skill humans have in abundance.

I just got off the phone with a caller who had vague fantasy-images in his head of being with a dominant woman, having his hands bound, being stripped, being blindfolded, and getting spanked, and maybe even fucked in the ass by her. But he sounded confused and conflicted about why the idea was erotic to him of being hurt or roughed-up. He described himself as very masculine, and almost always in control.

I pointed out to him that he didn't have to be forced to give up control, and asked him to tell me how it felt to imagine agreeing to be controlled. For example, what if he agreed to be controlled by me, and a girlfriend who had agreed to follow my lead? We started with his hands bound behind his back, running our hands over his clothes, to get him used to the feeling of not being able to guide or stop us. Then we started undressing him and adding our mouths to the sensations.

I heard the light bulb go off in his head. Consensual, sensual domination by two women who were taking their time teasing him, binding him, feeding him flesh and fruit and cheese and wine and more flesh, and slowly building to a climax of him deeply taking a stiff silicone dick while his own cock was surrendering to a soft, wet, expertly skilled mouth. Oh. Yes. Please. He'll have lots of exactly that, thanks ever so much, ohgodyespleaseyespleaseyesplease, if his confession of "I'm about one minute away from falling deeply in love with you" was any indication.

Sometimes it helps to talk about the things that are stuck rattling around in your brain. Sometimes, someone else's perspective can rotate you the one degree you need in order to find the thing you were looking for. And sometimes, if I'm very fortunate, I have the chance to be the one doing the rotation. I'm a lucky girl.

The Funny Things

Funny little things have changed for me since being a phone sex worker.

I was having a slow-motion flirty exchange with someone on a Reddit thread (at the blistering speed of 1-2 messages per day), which moved to private messages, and I found myself unsatisfied with flirting via written words; I wanted to hear his voice. That is completely opposite of my urges since I started flirting on the internet in 2002 - I have said before that I learn all I need to know from email / chat exchanges, so it was startling to me to have dissatisfaction with his writing as a communication medium.

My people-watching has completely changed for the naughtier. I've always made up stories for strangers to amuse myself, but they used to be primarily stories about jobs, hobbies, or the tenor of their personal relationships. Now I tend to picture the men around me cross-dressed, or the women pegging the men with a strap-on, or the women elaborately bound and gagged and flogged and subjected to forced orgasms with Hitachi wands. I always pictured some people sexually, but now it's pretty much every adult, and the range of things I imagine has dramatically widened and gotten kinkier.

I am very, very careful about my signatures now. Although my family knows what I do, and I've shared a few rated-PG-versions of work stories which I knew would amuse them, I'm fairly sure they don't want their emails signed, "Love, Galiana". I often sign phone-sex emails, "XOXO, G", which is also how I often sign off-phone emails, just with a different initial, so now I'm even more paranoid before hitting "send" than I was when I was a consultant.

(side note: I've long been confused about what to call myself. My family and friends from school know me by my nickname, which is approximately the same level of cute-sie-ness as if I went by "Gallie". When I started tech consulting at age 25 and was billing out at $100 / hour, I thought it was bad enough to have someone show up who looked 17 (I've always looked young), but to also have a cute name seemed uncomfortably unprofessional, so I went by my birth name, starting in 1995. So for 15 years, I have regularly started phone calls with the equivalent of: "Hey, it's Galiana. I mean, Gallie. I mean, I'm sorry, apparently I don't know who I am...")

And last but not least, my brain-to-mouth filter is deeply weakened. I am a little terrified of being around mixed-generation family over the holidays. On the phones, I push myself to the right emotional state, and then to say whatever comes to my mind. Often, with less verbal callers (or when they lose their ability to speak),  I end up in a nice, fluid, uninterrupted stream of naughty descriptions tumbling out of my mouth with slowly increasing speed and intensity. There is no place for filtering; there is only feeling and speaking, and coming.

Dear Santa: For Christmas, All I want is to make it through all my family visits without making anyone spit-take in horror. Love, Galiana

Quote of the Day

He liked the picture I sent him to say thanks for leaving me feedback. A lot. He saw it on his phone, and it filled him with such lust he escaped to a remote bathroom at work to call me. We played, with me riding him in a car, on a couch, him drilling into me while trapping my knees with his arms. He came.

His breathing returned to normal. I could hear him washing his hands. He sighed deeply.

(in a singsong voice) "The rest of my day is gonna suuuuuuuuck nowwwwww."

I think he meant "by comparison because that was so incredibly fun to play with you." If I find out later that's not what he meant, I'm going to ignore that, and pretend like it is exactly what he meant in my head anyway.

Up 'N' At 'Em

It's 2 a.m. and I'm wiiiiiide awake. I only slept about 4 hours last night because I had a great late call, but I got up early for my dental appointment. Since I was consciously sedated for that, I slept about... ummm... ten hours while the medicine wore off.

Sometimes it doesn't feel like sleep to my body, and I can sleep that night anyway. Not tonight. Tonight I'm up 'n' at 'em. Well, I would be if someone would call.

I had the phones turned off until I was totally sure I wasn't incoherent. Well. Y'know, no more incoherent than usual. I do have a tendency to lose my words when I'm a few minutes out from a big giant orgasm.

Helloooooo late night world. Anybody out there?

Drive-By Christmas Treat

I've heard of "drive-by tributes" (where someone who has never been a caller, and never bought any of your pay-to-views, gives you a tribute out the blue), but never been fortunate enough to be the recipient of one.

(side note: Today I had to take the day off because I had a dental visit. My extreme dental phobia means it's best if I choose "conscious sedation" (a prescribed drug which ensures I remember nothing later), so I don't remember anything today from about 9:50 am to 4:15 pm.)

(side note continued: I joked that I should have been taking true confessions calls, because I wouldn't have remembered them anyway right? An excellent plan! ... Except for the part where I was also sound asleep for most of that time, including leaning over and falling asleep against the wall as my husband was trying to get me out of the dentist's office. Soooo, maybe just as well I didn't try to take calls.)


So imagine my pleasant surprise when my NiteFlirt email contained a drive-by tribute! There was a lovely treat, for a lovely amount, from someone who had never before been on my customer list.

And then imagine my happiness growing exponentially when I read the accompanying email... Turns out it wasn't so drive-by after all: "Creamy Treat", aka Chloe (a Flirt who has commented on my blog a few times, I pointed out a few suggestions on her blog, but we haven't interacted in weeks) instructed one of her pets to give me the Tribute as a Christmas treat!

How. Awesome. Is. That!?!

A very Merry Christmas back to you, Creamy Treat Chloe! And to all your admirers as well!

P.S. I wanted to ask Chloe if I could include her name in my blog, but was feeling too impatient to wait for her email reply, so I called her via NiteFlirt to ask (she said yes, obviously). In case you were wondering, her voice is ADORABLE.

December 20-28

Although I'll also update my calendar page, I thought I'd give you a heads-up on my holiday whereabouts.

• Mon Dec 20: going to the dentist, which means I'll be heavily medicated and need recovery time, so I probably won't be on at all, and if I am on, I'll have the remnants of a legal roofie (rufi? rufie?) in my system, so I'll likely be mostly incoherent, which, hey, is someone's fetish, right? That was a long-ass sentence right there, man. Heavy.
• Tue Dec 21: on like normal.
• Wed Dec 22: traveling to be with family, which also requires heavy medication. If I come online late at night, I'm likely to be ditzy as hell, but probably easily amused.
• Thu Dec 23-Mon Dec 27: since I'll have my own hotel room, I'll be on sporadically between and after social holiday festivities, hopefully unmedicated and fully coherent.
• Tue Dec 28: traveling back home, medicated, but happy.

That's the plan! I currently have no other travels planned whatsoever.

If I don't talk with you, I hope you have a good Christmas -- whether you celebrate it religiously, enjoy it as a cultural pleasantry, ignore it, or bah humbug it -- I hope you enjoy your experience of the next nine days thoroughly!

Search Terms

Because I love these posts so much when other bloggers do them (I genuinely do - I think they're fascinating and inevitably hilarious), here's a screen shot of a few ways people have found my blog via search:

 

The ones that make me laugh the most are: 

• "hypno girl cluck like a chicken" - which I understand from this post, but still cracks me up
• "where's the sluts" - which I remain inordinately proud of
• "sdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdf sdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdfsdf" - LOLwut?!? That pattern of letters, while easy to type, appears nowhere on my blog (until now), and my blog does not appear on the first 10 pages of Google search results for the term. The world is such a random place.

The two that confuse me are the "zero visit" counts at the end. How could I have zero visits, when the report is supposed to be referring traffic which resulted in visits? My head hurts.

However, the search phrase "galiana chance naked" makes me irrationally happy. Someone wants to see me naked! Yay! Oh, wait, no... apparently zero people want to see me naked. Now I'm sad :(  

(side note: also maybe I shouldn't have had that turtle sundae after lunch because sugar crashes make me loopy... I have successfully avoided face expression emoticons on my blog until now, what does that tell you? Yeah, I dunno either, I was kinda hoping you'd know... )

The Hardest Thing, and It All Works Out

The hardest thing for me emotionally as a phone sex worker is the lack of ability to get in touch as I wish.

It happens to everyone who has a public side, not just phone sex workers. People leave messages for Dan Savage (sex advice columnist extraordinaire) without callback information, and he has to fill in the blanks without the ability to ask clarifying questions. People misunderstand or spread misinformation about public figures, and their best recourse is a press release, but there is rebound from self-serving publicity like that.

For phone sex workers, if I want to communicate further after a call is done, I can send an email via the system, but many callers never check their system email, so there's a high probability a message will be lost. I just have to wait for them to call back, feeling unresolved and not in control. <PoutVoice><MadFase>I don't wike it</MadFase></PoutVoice>

I understand that in everyone's life, others can choose to ignore you, but until I started this job, I felt like I could usually figure out how to contact someone if I really need to do so.

I've had several regular callers cancel their accounts, and I have no way of knowing why. Are they in financial trouble? Are they afraid they were becoming addicted? Were they discovered by an unsympathetic spouse? Were they getting crap from another provider for leaving me feedback? Will they be back?

The other day, someone anonymously commented on my blog. I saw it and responded as the last thing I did before bed. I would have loved to have been able to open a dialogue, ask a few questions, get some clarification, but all I knew was "anonymous", so I did the best I could. But I had some of that fretful lack of closure worry-sleep where my dreams got wacky and everything felt unresolved. (This isn't to make the anonymous poster feel bad - I opened my blog for anonymous comments. You did what you were allowed and encouraged to do, and your comment was good for me overall.)

I'm learning that things often work out just fine. I mean, in the big picture, everything always works out fine, but even situation-by-situation, things often resolve satisfactorily, even without me having any control over my ability to contact people.

The anonymous commenter left a delightful response the next morning that made me feel 100% relieved. All better! And a couple of canceled-account ex-callers created new accounts and called again - I didn't press for explanation, so I'll never know what happened, but I was happy to enjoy their return. Actually, now that I think about it, both of them are callers who love to hear me come, so I've enjoyed their return on several levels! /HappyShiver

It all works out. It always works out. Things end up fine.

But, if you're gonna disappear on me, drop me a line to say bye first?

Strap-On Feedback

Someone bought my strap-on pictures (information here), and left this feedback:

"The cuddliest dom ever. Peg me anytime."

 Is it wrong that I think that's adorable?

Housekeeping for Feed Users

I wasn't getting data from people who were subscribed via feeds, so I redid my feedburner settings. If you're subscribed to me through a feed, just in case I mucked something up, please re-subscribe using this URL:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/lTTmI

Thanks!

P.S. Yes, I know, if I mucked something up, they might not see this in their reader, but hopefully they'll wonder why I haven't posted and wander back to the site to check, and see this and fix it and it will all be lovely.

P.P.S. If you don't use an RSS feed / reader, but you rely on something like bookmarks to track your favorites, I think you're totally missing out. I strongly recommend you try it:
* Go to http://reader.google.com and log in with a Google ID
* Click "Add a subscription"
* Enter the URL of a blog you want to follow (example: http://galianachance.blogspot.com or http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com, my two personal favorites...)

Voila! You can see the last few posts from that feed, and tell which posts you have already read. So. Easy!

P.P.P.S. I went to see what the data looked like on the new feed, and it said "Your feed is so new, we're still playing with the bubble wrap" - isn't that adorable?!?

Deleted Post

Thanks, Anonymous, for helping me realize I should delete a post from yesterday!

As far as I can tell, 10-20 people read it. Hopefully minimal harm was done.

"If you can't learn from people who criticize you, you're going to miss a lot of truth" ~ a speaker at a conference when I was 19

Minute Man

I had my first real live one-minute man call last night. I mean, I've had lots of one-minute calls, but this one actually had a beginning, middle, and end, like a flasher from ERWA.

It started with the one-minute warning from the system. I said, "Hi, I'm Galiana." He responded, "I'm ____, and baby, I want you so bad." I played along and asked, "You want me to drop my knees and wrap my sweet soft lips around the head of your cock?" His "God, yes, darling" was so unexpectedly heartfelt that it caught me off guard.

Somehow in 60 seconds, I sucked him, I fucked him, he came, and he called me the following endearments: baby, darling, honey, girl, and sweetheart. And none of them felt gratuitous.

And then he thanked me!

I know I should feel annoyed and cheated because it was so fast, but instead, I feel like kind of a badass. Like we could have competed in the "One-Minute Phone Sex" Olympics, and won. /flex

Yesterday's Pictures

1. I got a present from a caller in the mail, and told him I'd take pictures when it arrived.

2. That coincided with "maybe I'll stop shaving for a while and take pics when I next shave again".

3. These coincided with "one of my best callers had an awesome request for a holiday picture of me".

So yesterday was picture day.

First up: shaving. Since most of the pics are me naked and those aren't allowed on this blog uncensored, here are some partials:

Before shaving, there were pics like this, but full-body - I was kneeling.

The during-shaving pictures were soapier than this, with one leg up, standing, but tricky to find one that I could post, even partially.

Then I took pics in my new present -- yummy! So silky soft!

And then, by request, satin gloves, a Santa hat, and the red corset from the September shoot. He got more than just this picture, but the "naughty or nice" finger wag amused me greatly.

I don't know if I'm going to turn these into packages for sale or not, but I thoroughly enjoyed feeling pampered and photographable!

Who's That Girly Girl?

Yesterday I talked a ton on the phones (yay me), so today I'm indulging in some pampering and a quick at-home photo shoot. I know, I know, I haven't finished my pictures from September yet, but these are a few requests I've gotten that suddenly sound like fun to shoot today.

I never considered myself a girly girl until this job. I mean, honestly, just look at that paragraph - I'm pampering myself and then taking pictures of me? For fun? Who is this person? Where's the tomboy who spends her spare time covered with mud at the dog park, or building a workbench for the garage?

Apparently, since my Inner Tomboy got so much attention for 39 years, the girlier parts of me have taken over and are not giving up...

Hypno Recorded Listing & Pay-to-View

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Sleep Rates Aha Moment

I said I was going to do sleep-rates sometimes (where I raise my rate when I'm asleep but willing to be awakened), blogged about it, put it on my calendar, did it for three nights, and then... didn't do it again. And I didn't know why I didn't want to keep doing it. Baffling.

From that day two weeks ago when I had my first sleep-rate success until this weekend, I've been blessedly busy on the phones. Yay! Fun new callers, great conversation with regular callers, everything a Phone Whore Attention Slut could want (feel free to call me P.W.A.S.).

Then suddenly, after changing nothing, the last twenty-four hours have been slow.  I've caught up on some chores, caught up with some friends, relaxed, and even napped a little.

And now, it's close to 10 pm, so I still have two or three hours to go before I sleep, but I'm facing fresh unused batteries in my vibrator and a mild feeling of rejection, and I'm thinking of having sleep-rates again tonight.

And aha! Now I know. There is a pattern. I have found it. And there was much rejoicing (yay).

Apparently, I want to do sleep-rates when I'm feeling a little bored, when I have a little extra energy, or when it's just been too many hours before bedtime since I've had an orgasm, and the thought of being awakened to have one sounds yummilicious.

Science has been done. 

Nina Hartley Nails It

I've been a fan of Nina Hartley since seeing "Nina Hartley's Guide to Oral Sex" about ten years ago (it came out in 1994). I learned that men can eat pineapple and kiwi to make their cum taste sweeter (totally true), and I learned that one mental image of a woman's sweet blue eyes absolutely lighting up as she dives enthusiastically onto a cock can stick with you forever in the best way.

But now, I'm an even bigger fan, and also deeply impressed after reading an interview with Nina here, at the Beautiful Kind blog: http://thebeautifulkind.com/columns/fetish-parade/hosting-nina-hartley-community-interview

Nina talks about whether porn is degrading to women, and she makes some excellent points, including some things I've thought, but haven't yet put into words. Her foundational statement is, "Since I don't feel that sex is something men "do" to women, and that I, as a modern woman, have the right to the sex I want ... then the sex I've had on camera has not degraded me."

My thoughts are more about phone sex than porn, obviously, but sex in general as well. A curious wanna-be phone sex worker asked how I "got over" the idea of my pictures being out on the internet, and what if friends of mine found them, and she wouldn't want to know how gross her guy friends are if they found the pictures and masturbated to them.

I told her I didn't think it was gross if her male friends are attracted to her. I think that being sexually attractive, enjoying sexual attention, and deriving pleasure from sexual acts should not be considered "masculine" endeavors. I feel empowered as a woman when I enjoy sex, and when I celebrate the part of myself that likes sex. I don't think it is any different than celebrating my love of art or movies or psychology or spirituality - my enjoyment of sex is one part of me that makes me who I am, and it is okay for someone else to appreciate that part of me.

I find it sad and troubling that so many women give their sexual power to men, as if only men are allowed to crave sex, or enjoy thinking about sex. I hope I am doing my part to encourage women to embrace the pleasure they get from having sex, and from being sexual creatures.
I read a thread about being on dating sites as a male versus being a female, and I remember how assaulted I used to feel by male lust sometimes, that I couldn't leave my house without accidentally invoking sexual attention, despite my best efforts to hide from it.

But I think that was a symptom of me not having accepted myself as a sexual creature, and not yet having embraced the power that can come from being in control of my sexual destiny. Once I figured out what I like sexually, now I love feeling that energy come to me.

In conclusion: Thanks, Nina, for showing me how to love giving great head, and now again for re-energizing my thoughts around claiming my power as a happily sexual woman.

Or Sometimes I Just Go Nuts

I wrote about how carefully I negotiate BDSM / domination scenes here in this blog post, right? Safe and consensual, it's what I'm all about, right?

Then today I get a call on my Fem Dommes listing, and ... ummmm... went to town on the guy. He said he wanted to serve me and sounded all desperate already, which I've heard dozens of times before, but somehow, his particular flavor of longing unleashed me to not give a flying fuck what his preferences or boundaries were.

Next thing I knew, with no negotiation whatsoever, I was seated on a chair, he was kneeling naked between my thighs, my heels were digging into his legs, and I had hold of a rope that led to his nipple clamps, so it hurt him when I twitched, but he knew it would hurt worse later if he didn't make my pussy feel good enough right then.

What. The. Hell. Where did that come from?

Inner Dominatrix: Hello, Galiana.
Galiana / Chooser: You've got to be kidding me.
Inner Dominatrix: (smiles, licks her lips, and patiently straightens the strands of her flogger)
Inner Storyteller: Oooo! Fun! Welcome to our Inner Dialogue cast, Ma'am. (whispering) Love the boots.

Great. It seems there's a new addition to the crew that I have to watch out for. And she's definitely a hijacker. As if it weren't crowded enough in here already...

A Heart-Stopping Voice

A new caller today, with some playfulness in his voice, introduced himself with, "Hello Galiana, this is Xyz" (name changed to protect my sanity).

Caller Xyz sounded exactly like my best friend from high school, also named Xyz, who does not yet know that I'm doing phone sex (although I plan on telling him over Christmas if we have a chance to see each other).

Old Friend Xyz walked me down the aisle at my first wedding - we're that kind of close emotionally, even though we don't catch up often.

Old Friend Xyz is 100% homosexual, which makes the odds of him calling a woman for phone sex quite slim.

My response to the idea that Old Friend Xyz would stumble across me somehow and decide to call me up and say "Hello Galiana, this is Xyz" in exactly that voice was to laugh. Then stammer. Then laugh again.

Unfortunately, as I'm sure you've guessed, Caller Xyz was NOT in fact Old Friend Xyz, and I had to completely recompose myself before the call could go on.

Thankfully, the call ended up being luscious for both of us - he was coming to Therapist Galiana for exposure therapy to overcome fantasies of being a sissy submissive painslut. He'll need a lot more therapy. I'm happy to give it to him.

... As long as I can block out the mental image of Old Friend Xyz, who spent many hours trying to crack me up to get me in trouble for disrupting drama/choir rehearsals. I remember just walking out of the theater once without being excused after he delivered some exaggeratedly horrified punchline about pinto beans, because I knew I wasn't going to turn my gigglebox right side up unless I left his physical presence.

Now I really can't wait for Christmas!

Quote of the Day

"I like a little bounce when I pounce"

- New caller, complimenting me on being curvy in a way that pleases him

I love it sooooo much. 

Listings Update 14

I am on update #14 for my home page and main listing. That seems compulsive since I've been doing for a little less than 5 months. It was a lot of work, but the changes are probably largely unnoticeable to anyone but me. Some day I'll recover from never being satisfied... 

1. I made my voice samples a link instead of an embedded file. I was told that in some browsers, the file started playing with no warning. I hate that! So no more embedding for me.

2. I added a link to my recorded listing, so if I'm offline, people can listen anyway. Hopefully, I'll expand that soon with another recorded listing if I can get off my generous, round, grab-able ass and get it done. Heh, I just amused myself.

3. I re-did the wording and pictures on my home page and general listings so the pictures are all the same size, and they're all a little bigger. I realized the feedback table at the bottom of each listing has a minimum width, and my picture/text boxes were thinner that than, so there was room to expand.

4. I changed the pay-to-views to only list three instead of four. I needed the HTML characters (there's a limit on how many characters can be in your listing). Hopefully the link to My Flirt Store will still make my other pay-to-views obvious enough to interested parties.

5. I added a holiday thing at the bottom with tip buttons, and a link to my Amazon Wish List. It felt monumental to me, because I learned how to do an image map! I know, I'm a geek, I should know more HTML, but I started doing analysis and managing after doing VB programming and data analysis, not web programming. Still...  /hangheadinshame for waiting this long, and /yaygoodforme for figuring it out now. It will come in handy.

Next on my ever-expanding to-do list? Another pay-to-view picture set and a recorded hypno listing. And then I'll be done for a while, right? Oh, except my pictures aren't all the same size on my submissive listings...

Reddit, A Week Later

So what happened because of my "Ask Me Anything" experiment on Reddit? (If you missed it, it was here: http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/efl7g/iama_phone_sex_operator_with_an_iq_of_142_ama/)

I have picked up several new friends on my Galiana Facebook, all of whom are women (one of them went to a Comic-Con as Hit Girl, and I'm pretty sure I have a crush on her now). They are helping me decide my Facebook strategy - I think I'm going to shift and use it more as a blog interaction location, and not attempt to hide my profession. Especially since I have with more non-caller women than caller men on my friends list by about 2 to 1.

I had 280 unique visitors that day to my blog (my average before had been 25-30ish). Ten times the traffic! Wow!

And now, the money. Drumroll please... (drrrrrrrrrum): I have gotten 0 new callers! (cymbal crash) Yep, that's right, none whatsoever. But on the up side, I made 7 cents from Google ads from the additional traffic.

/giggle

Ah, but the attention. It was Grade A Prime Time awesome fan-fucking-tastic. A whole day of thinking about me. Ridiculous. I loved it.

I feel quite certain that one bored day a few months from now, I'll do it again. Hopefully next time I'll figure out how to have less discussion about IQ tests and more about sexiness...

I Know Why

As my caller reloaded his account, I thought about how I felt when I was first learning about being submissive in a BDSM sense, nine years ago.

I had worked so hard in therapy to take responsibility for my feelings and my actions. I had worked so hard professionally to teach myself technically and be in a position of leadership. I had worked so hard socially to choose friends who gave as much as they took, and treated me with respect. And I had worked so hard personally to admit to myself that I needed to leave the man I thought I'd be with for the rest of my life.

I was tired of working hard. I was tired of being strong. I was tired of standing up for myself. I wanted so badly to find a place I could relax.

I found stories, erotica, of people handing themselves to one another. I envied the submissives, with their hands and legs bound and mouth gagged. I envied their time off from having to make decisions.

I flew a long distance to meet a man who wrote such stories, to let him tie me up, gag me, beat me, use me, teach me. We had written a thousand emails and spoken over the phone dozens of times. I knew he cared for me, and I knew I trusted him, and I knew that I could never explain to anyone exactly why.

For four days, I decided nothing, but I felt everything. I felt every inch of my skin, kissed by floggers and crops and paddles. I felt every curve of my body, explored by his hands and mouth. I felt every muscle, stretched and pushed and twisted in ways I would never have imagined.

The caller came back from reloading his account, holding his breath, wondering what his Mistress had in store for him.

Me: I know why you come to Me
Pet: (barely above a whisper) You do?
Me: You're so strong all the time, aren't you? For everyone else?
Pet: yes
Me: They all need you to be strong, don't they?
Pet: yes... yes
Me: Not with me, pet. You can be weak with Me.
Pet: (crying) yes
Me: I'll take care of you, pet. Let me take it from you. Give it to Me, all of it. Let it go.

... and he did, choking through a release that felt like it loosened a knot in his stomach that had been a lifetime in the making.

Sometimes what I do on the phone is help someone follow a strong biological urge to drain their testicles of sperm.

And sometimes what I do on the phone is help someone feel safe, by hurting them, to let them know they don't have to be in charge.

Thank you, pet. Well done.

Storing Nuts and Striking Irons

A recent chat exchange (edited for readability):

Him: It sounds as if you've been pushing yourself quite a bit lately as well

Galiana: Maybe...  it's hard to say no because I like this work

Him: And I'm sure you're storing nuts for the winter as well

Him: Have to strike when the iron's hot and all that

Galiana: Exactly

Galiana: Perfect way to put it

Him: And as Warren Zevon said, "I'll sleep when I'm dead"

Galiana: Yes

Galiana: I've heard December is busy, January is slower

Galiana: I don't want to push myself too hard

Galiana: But I don't want to miss out either

Galiana: It's trixie

I'm not alone with this dilemma. It is shared, not just with phone sex operators, but with anyone who has theoretically unlimited earning potential, and sets their own hours: independent web designers, consultants of every flavor, small business owners.

I probably spend an hour or so each day answering mentoring-type questions from other phone sex workers, or people interested in potentially joining the profession. I love it - I feel like I get to practice all the fun parts of being a manager (training, encouraging, offering suggestions for improvement), with none of the horrible parts (disappointing interviews, writing performance evaluations for mediocre workers, firing people).

The darling Kiwi Candy has let me live through her vicariously with overbearing amounts of advice about how I would be doing phone sex if I were Hollywood beautiful, in my early 20s, with an exotic accent. I had the pleasure of informing her that she had bypassed me on the front page! It cracked me up, because another Flirt did the same for me four months ago... 

It's happening to her the same way it happened to me back in August when I wrote this blog post - you're used to having all the time in the world between calls, then you get a few back-to-back-to-back and realize you haven't eaten, or gone to the bathroom, or done anything to renew your energy, and suddenly you're wiped out. And then you don't want to whine or complain about it, because you've been hoping to get busy, but now that you are, you're exhausted!

Several callers and blog readers have noticed that lately, my lines have often been Busy or Away or on Sleep Rates. And some of you are a little worried about me. You're sweet. Thank you very much. I truly, deeply, absolutely appreciate the concern.

However, please let me assure you: if I am answering sex phone calls, I am well-rested and feeling sexy. Honestly. I learned how to juggle the energy of this job back in August and September, and I have not forgotten those lessons.

If I'm feeling the need for high-quality sleep, I log off instead of setting sleep rates. If I have to deal with annoying bills or paperwork, I log off instead of answering the phone un-sexy-fied. If I have a long call that wears me out, I log off instead of giving the next caller anything less than my best.

That doesn't mean I'll never answer the phone sounding a little snuggly and sleepy late at night... but if I'm available, it's the sexy kind of snuggly.

And it doesn't mean that I won't push myself. I do sometimes. I will sometimes. Sometimes I will realize I need time away, like yesterday when I didn't log in until 4 to just hang around and be luxurious.

But here's the deal: I pushed myself too hard before phone sex, too. That just comes with the territory of being a perfectionist overachiever pleaser who hates to see myself as weak in any way... If I weren't pushing myself too hard with phone sex, I'd find another way to do it.

Tonight, though, as I'm sitting here on my super-comfy memory-foam-topped bed, enjoying reading new ego-stroking feedback, eating the delicious garlic chicken-and-veggie pasta my husband made me, I feel very far away from "run down". Actually, I feel very close to "spoiled rotten".

Yes, I'm working hard and storing nuts and striking irons, but I promise, I'm taking good care of myself while doing it.

How to Explore Lust Landscapes in Three Minutes or Less

Several of my earliest blog posts mentioned lust landscapes, especially The Best Thing So Far, and this quote from a later blog post:: 

I believe that any two people who are willing to engage emotionally have the ability to create a unique space together. Person X has a lust landscape with 50 things in it. I have a lust landscape with 50 things in it. Our 15 things that overlap become our playground, with unique features, unique possibilities, and a unique feel. I love creating and exploring those playgrounds.

I'm feeling the urge to elaborate. Those explain the concept, but today I want to explain practically how to quickly find mutual ground on each other's lust landscapes with the pressure of limited time.

Deciders/Scripters:
Some callers know exactly what they want, which makes it easy. I listen to their explanation or request, ask clarifying questions about my part (including attempting to redirect anything off-limits for me), and then it's up to me to find the overlapping desires on my own.

The decider/scripter dynamic is less attractive to me when it includes answering the phone to "suck it, bitch" or some other indicator that they're not interested in my real-world responses. Then I do my job, and it feels like a job, by describing something sexy and faking my involvement. These calls are non-draining for me emotionally and physically, but they're boring.

The decider/scripter dynamic is far more attractive to me when someone tells me what they want as the beginning of a conversation, as the starting place for spinning a tale together. I love that.

For example, Saturday night, I had a new caller tell me that he can't feel intimacy without pain. So the choices weren't wide open, because we were going to play with pain, but then he wanted to hear my thoughts as well. The conversation about our interests was foreplay. As we revealed more about what we liked and found overlap, we both obviously got worked up, so by the time we started playing, it was immediately intense. And devilishly fun.

(For the record, I love the physiology of mild or moderate pain during sex -- the addition of flight-or-fight hormones adds delicious intensity to sex for me, but I don't want to have recovery time with anything severe like cutting or branding).

So when a caller knows what they like, and allows me some co-creation wiggle room, I can emphasize aspects which are more appealing to me to ensure my active participation. Many of my favorite calls have been co-created just like this.

Pleasers: 
Some callers want to know what I like, and pick something that overlaps for them. Pickers are easy for  me now, with practice, although it threw me for a loop when I was new. My mentality was so customer-focused that it was hard to turn the attention to myself and honestly believe that someone would call a phone sex line wanting to please me. Silly me. Not a problem anymore!

If a pleaser is leading the conversation, it is super-simple: I answer questions honestly, and let them know if something is turning me on. Sometimes, pleasers get so stimulated by simply discussing my lust landscape that they masturbate to just that. If they admit to stroking, I admit that's smokingly hot (because what's not to love about someone getting turned on by me talking about myself?), and they usually finish to my vividly detailed expansion of their favorite answer thus far.

If a pleaser wants me to lead, I have built sort of a mental decision tree: You in charge, me in charge, or both? Vanilla or kink? Pain? Restraints? Humiliation? There are so many options of things I enjoy that I have to limit myself and try to get just enough mutually exciting components for us to begin, without letting the question period drag on too long. Y'know, unless they're into interrogations...

Submissives:
Some callers say they want me to choose. Out of the blue, with no context whatsoever, they want me in charge, want me to choose. I have no idea if they're hoping I will force them to dress in women's lingerie (yum), tie them down and sit on their face (yum), kneel them in front of me to worship my feet with their tongue (yum), or call them useless pathetic cum rags and describe how my three black friends with huge cocks are going to use their ass and mouth (yum).

I think I've come up with a creative solution for this: I play a little game I call "one or two or both". One: I tease you. Two: you get to have an orgasm. You have to choose one or two or both. Those who don't initially want to choose are reprimanded, usually with the phrase, "That is a chickenshit answer, and I am displeased. Answer me or get the fuck off my phone." That seems to clear up confusion. And it amuses me.

In reality, subs have the same decision tree as pleasers, except I know the first answer: I'm in charge. 

I could probably write out my entire decision tree if someone asks for it. In the meantime, hopefully you now feel more empowered to figure out your sexual overlap in three minutes or less. Class is dismissed. Well, except for you two in the back who were passing notes. You'll need to stay after...

Tip of the Day

Tip of the Day for phone sex callers:

When picking a user name, double-check to make sure the word "poo" isn't accidentally embedded in it. 

The Dilemma of a Reluctant Financial Dominatrix

When I began doing phone sex almost 5 months ago, I had never heard of financial domination as a fetish. Heck, when I started, I had no domination listings whatsoever, but I kept getting requests to be dominant, and enjoyed the calls, so I made a listing.

And now I have people calling me who have a financial domination fetish. I'll be honest: I'm struggling to figure out how to provide it.

The core of the fetish is power and control: you feel that your power is in your money, that your control over your money is power for you. You believe that my power is in my (sex appeal / hypno mind control / whatever). You want to trade your power in exchange for the power I have.

It's not inherently different than wanting to be physically restrained. You have the power of motion. I take it from you. The surrender turns you on. As a restraint enthusiast, I completely understand. It's delicious to relax and trust like that.

The complication is that I genuinely want the best for people, and it's impossible for me to know where your line is between "spending hobby money on something I love" and "jeopardizing my financial well-being". I never want anyone to regret decisions they made with me. I never want someone to feel abused by me.

(Side note: Do I want someone to feel used by me? Yep, absolutely. I want scores of happy sore dicks and pussies and asses and mouths and hands with the memory of me wearing them out for my amusement and enjoyment. Bring it.)

It's a razor thin line for me between giving someone the pleasure they crave and feeling like an abuser. Yes, I want to pay my bills. And yes, I want to rebuild our savings (currently back to 1/4 of a month's expenses because we needed new tires - I ain't gittin filthy rich off this gig just yet). And yes, I love getting tributes and Amazon gift cards and items off my wish list.

But when someone tells me they want to be controlled, and used, and they want me to rape their wallet, I haven't figured out yet how to negotiate that the way I have with BDSM. Start with small amounts of tributes right then on the phone? Treat it as if it is as much of a fantasy as cuckolding and just describe slowly taking over their finances, but really expect nothing (my default so far)? Treat them as responsible adults and just take what I can get and quit worrying about it?

I've read too many stories of people who get themselves into trouble with financial domination. And sure, those stories exist with by-the-minute phone sex as well, but those boundaries are clearer for me. He is choosing to call, and he is choosing when to end the call. I never ask people to add more time unless they tell me they love being asked to reload (well, unless I'm this close to coming and sometimes I say "Oh God no please don't leave me" but I always feel bad about that). But with financial domination, I am asking for, or demanding, the money. It feels different.

An example with a recent hypno caller, and how I've worked it out:

His hypno fetish is not erotically based, it is control-based. He wants to know I have absolutely control over his mind and body, but I can't seem to get an erotic charge out of him when he's tranced (he says it's him, not me, but I still feel bad). His most powerfully fulfilling hypno memories are of being financially dominated, but he does not want to return to the place of having trouble paying bills (zoikes! no kidding).

Our compromise is that I "interrogated" him about his financial limits while he was under hypno, and for every question he answered, he owed me another $1 in tributes after the call (his idea). Now when he calls, we play the interrogation game for somewhere between $20 and $50, so his financial fetish is somewhat satisfied. And I use other methods to demonstrate the control I have over him (like post-hypnotic triggers to tickle him, which are awesomely fun and I love so much).

Another example: I negotiated with a fin dom client that if he has any money left at the end of the month after spending it on me, he had to give 1/2 of it to charity and give me the other half. I made him answer what the maximum amount was in a month, and it was an astonishing figure. So far, I haven't seen any of it except for phone calls. At the end of every month, I'm going to keep telling him to send me his money. But if he doesn't and he calls back, I'll take his calls and not mention it, just like I do with every other fantasy. After all, I don't hold cross-dressing sissies accountable if they've gone to the glory hole like we discussed last time.

I've had fin dom callers say it's a turn-off that I ask so many questions about their safety. I'm learning. I'm getting there. I'm a smart, creative problem solver, I can figure this out.

But still... suggestions are welcome.

My Favorite Thing From Reddit

I keep trying to finish a non-Reddit-related blog post and failing. Being busy is a good problem to have.

So instead, I'm going to go the lazy route and paste in my favorite part of the Reddit thread here:

gigashadowwolf:
Would you kindly blow my mind?

GalianaChance:

Dammit. My brain's all fuzzy from vertigo from doing this all day. Okay, Chance, center down. You can do this.

I run my fingertips up your cerebellum, brushing by your temporal lobe, and as they make their way lazily to your occipital lobe, you feel my cheek nuzzling where my fingers vacate. My hair traces over your hippocampus, causing a shiver down your stem.

You feel my warm tongue on your parietal lobe, my palm gently cradling your olfactory bulb, and my lips slip over your amygdala.

I guide your hand to my hair and you make a fist in it, showing me exactly how what you like on your anterior cingulate. Dirty.

Your dorsolateral prefrontal starts throbbing, and you hear a "mmmhmmm" come from me as you shove every bit of your entorhinal cortex into me.

I swallow every drop, licking my lips after you're done. Mmmm tasty.

BaconZombies:

Holy. Fucking. Shit. I applaud you, madam.

Reddit Update

The Reddit thing went very well - it was super-duper fun, and my Inner Exhibitionist had a ball. It's pretty quiet now, but if you're interested, here it is: http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/efl7g/iama_phone_sex_operator_with_an_iq_of_142_ama/

As expected, I was dead tired and dizzy as hell after scrolling and writing all day, but I took a nap, and I'm feeling better than I thought I would this quickly, so the phones will be on and off sporadically tonight and tomorrow during the day as I recover.

Who know if it will have "been worth it" in the long run in terms of new callers, but I had a blast interacting with geeks all day. Too fun!

Hi, Reddit!

If you're here from Reddit, hi! Glad you found me! The best place to start is the cleverly named "Where to Start" page, kind of like a Guided Tour of Galiana: http://galianachance.blogspot.com/p/where-to-start.html

For the rest of you... I'm doing a Reddit IAmA ... AMA today.

Reddit is... ummm... gosh, how to describe Reddit. If I just send you to reddit.com, it'll be overwhelming, unless you're already addicted to it, in which case you will mock others for feeling overwhelmed. It's like a series of community discussion boards strung together by caffeine, awesomeness, geekery, red and grey robots, and sometimes narwhals and rainbows, but usually less brutal than 4chan.

That didn't really help did it?

Well, for example, there's a section called IAmA, where eople post starting threads like my personal favorite of yesterday: "IAmA (Retired) Cat Burglar - AMA" (AMA="Ask Me Anything"). And people do ask anything at all. The cultural norm is that the person who started the thread sticks around all day to answer as many questions and respond to as many comments as possible.

Today I'm doing "IAmA phone sex operator with an IQ of 142 - AMA".

If you're a phone sex worker reading this and thinking "oh great idea, I'll do one!" please let me advise you to wait at least 2 weeks since the last person did one, and understand how to avoid being accused of "trolling", or your thread will go suffer a horrible death by way of a flaming ball of downvotes.

I expect people to call me fat. I will /pat them on the head, remind them my opening statement contained "I am 50 pounds overweight" and point them to this blog post about weight. I will not let those people affect how sexy I feel, nor will I miss them when they pass forever out of my life.

The possibility exists that someone who knows me from my off-phone life will have an unpleasant shock (IAmA has almost 200,000 subscribers, so that's not a completely crazy thought). I don't mind most people knowing, even ex-coworkers, because I don't seem to be headed back to a tech career any time soon. And if anyone has a moral objection to phone sex, hopefully they won't go poking around in the thread in the first place. And if they do, we'll deal with it

Most importantly, the people I am closest to already know ... except for three. None of those three read Reddit, but they're married to people who might, but the odds are slim. So if your initials are CD or RL or MC and you're married to one of my best friends, please call me first before you tell them, so we can figure out timing that will minimize their trauma. Sorry!

The logistical down side to doing an IAmA is that it's likely to wipe me out today - the scrolling and reading and commenting will make me dizzy. The up side is that Friday afternoon and early evening are the only slow times in my week I've been able to accurately anticipate, so I'm okay with that.

I love talking about what I do. I love sharing my thoughts and observations and ideas. And I love amusing geek boys while doing that. So. Much. Win!!

But really, the big compelling up side is: it's likely to be extraordinary fun for my Inner Exhibitionist. I haven't had much public sex lately, so she's been getting cranky, and when my husband had the idea for an IAmA, she became so insistent that I haven't been able to say no. I expect her to end the day as a limp, sweaty, glassy-eyed, blissed-out ragdoll, being dragged off to sleep by the rest of the gang while mumbling "one more comment... just one more..." One can only hope!

Voice Samples!

EDIT: I was warned all my mp3s auto-launched in some browsers although I told them not to. Bad mp3s! So now they're just links.

I haven't ventured deeply yet into the world of recorded listings or for-pay-mp3s because I hadn't yet taken the time to figure out software that would give me the control I wanted. Until today!

I found Audacity, which is an amazing free, open source recording and editing tool. Now I don't have to choose between my too-soft microphone and my too-loud microphone: I can use the too-loud mic but turn the input volume down, and tadaaa! Much better!

So I made a few voice samples for my listings as a starting place. It was easy to convert them to mp3s, which are compact and usually playable from most browsers.

For my home page and "general listings" (Sex, Oral, Housewives, Girl Next Door), I made this one: Smart Fun Galiana Voice Sample

For my submissive listings, this one: Submissive Galiana Voice Sample

For my mistress listing: Mistress Galiana Voice Sample

And last but not least, for my hypno listing: Galiana Hypnotism Voice Sample

It's funny to listen to them back-to-back like that, because I made them over the space of a few hours. I'm a touch concerned that it makes me seem like I have a personality disorder to be able to change my voice that much. I don't, I promise. I just like a bunch of different things.

What's a diversity-aholic slut to do? Make a diverse bunch of listings, I guess...

Enjoy!

Eleven Days of Google Analytics

Eleven Days of Google Analytics is almost better than Twelve Days of Christmas around here...

(First though: you may have noticed my lack of logging in today. I'm having just enough dizzies and sneezes to interfere with my sexy. I'll be back online as soon as my sexy returns)

Click to view larger image

Here's my custom report - my own personal dashboard of metrics I love. /sigh Isn't it pretty? I love that it says "This custom dimension resulted in..." ha - I could rename that, but it cracks me up too much. Did I create a blog, or (cue spooky music) an alternate universe with a custom dimension (dun dun DUNUHHHHHH)?

The top graph is visits - all I got from Blogger Stats was page views, which were usually between 100-200 per day. What I expected was that my blog was in the 1-2 pages per visit range, like most blogs (according to fuzzy memories of a time when I learned about increasing blog traffic like five years ago). So I thought that meant I had 50-100 visits per day.

Nope. BIG SURPRISE: average pages / visit is 4.46, and average time on the site is 4:17 (four minutes, seventeen seconds, not four hours...), both of which are crazy high. So that means that when people visit my blog, they tend to stay for a bit and look around. Awwww. Thanks!!

So that means an average of 35 visits per day, not 50-100. That was a slightly unpleasant surprise, but the fact that people stay on my blog for so long was definitely worth it!

Other happy stats: 205 Unique Visitors is fantastic for just 11 days. I'm very pleased, I would have expected less.

My bounce rate is only 15.90% - I'm thrilled with that! Bounce is the number of people who only look at one page and then leave your site. 15.90% is crazy crazy low. I would have expected much higher.

So basically, I thought the same few people were showing up more often and reading less while they were here. And that, boys & girls, is why we have facts: to show us what horrible guessers we are. 

The one piece of data which is not on this graph which I especially love: when people come to my blog via searches like "wife pegging feeldoe" or "sybian masturbation" their bounce rate is also very low - about 20%. So that means when strangers find me without going through NiteFlirt or Twitter (where they're likely to know that I'm a phone sex operator), they stay and poke around. Fun! You know how I love poking!


All in all, I'm over the moon in love with Google Analytics. Yay! Go! Data!

(optional poll: This post had fewer caps but more !s - which is less annoying?)