2 Years, 450 Posts, 1 Blogged Life

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My First YouTube Video: First Thoughts on Control

I just posted my first YouTube video!

The title is "First Thoughts on Control - Recognizing Abuse and Encouraging Negotiation" and it's aimed at people interested in control play in the bedroom. I do not think I have necessarily original thoughts on BDSM subjects, but I believe that every voice helps when it comes to encouraging safety and sanity, even in the context of for-pay BDSM over the phone.

I have more a generic intro "Hello World" video that I should post first, but upon re-watching it, I need to add one significant thought to it before I post it, and I've already stalled on posting these long enough (I recorded it 10 days ago). So I pulled on my big girl panties and pretended like it's okay to do things out of sequence.

(That screaming you hear? Several of my more particular Inner Voices throwing fits about posting things out of sequence...)

If it gets yanked from YouTube for being adult content, that's fine, I'll upload it elsewhere and re-do the link here, but for now, this embedded player should work (fingers crossed...):



If the embedded player doesn't work, here's the link instead: First Thoughts on Control - Recognizing Abuse and Encouraging Negotiation

Although the video does not reflect me in phone-sex / sexy-time mode, it does reflect me being all reflective and thoughtful, so for those of you who get turned on smart thoughts from smart people, you're welcome!

(many thanks to Domme Kyaa for posting her Philosophy of a Fem Domme series, which was the original inspiration for me to do these - I can't find the original links anymore, but the one linked is representative of her work)

Force Ranked Values

I have had the honor (or misfortune, depending on your perspective) of participating in the process of defining and force-ranking values with three separate companies. The process went approximately like this:

• Brainstorm: everybody blurts out what they think our values are. Honesty, integrity, loyalty, stick-to-it-ive-ness, technical competency, ongoing education, etc. 
• Group: can we lump honesty in with integrity? Efficient with productive? Creative with innovative? 
• Rank: everybody gets five votes. 
• Evaluate and Refine: do the values that floated to the top seem like a gut-level accurate representation of us? What is missing? What is over-emphasized? 
• Define: come up with a pithy phrase to describe what each value means specifically to us.
• Decide: usually done later by Director-level staff. 

I loved participating in and facilitating those kinds of meetings - it's fascinating to hear how a group sees itself, and it feels a little like magic when it works out well (none of mine went haywire, thankfully). 

It occurred to me that I could define my values in this job too, even though I'm not a group. I mean, I pretend like I am sometimes by having complex inner dialogue and role playing being someone else, but it's really just me. So I went through the steps with myself (it sounds naughtier than it was, sadly), and came up with this list.

1. Do No Harm: help when I can, but at the very least, try not to hurt anyone, including myself
2. Be Honest: be as real and straightforward and emotionally available as I can (without breaking #1 by violating my sense of personal safety)
3. Have Fun: squeeze as much enjoyment out of each call, blog post, and photo shoot as possible

Those cover at least 90% of my intention with the job. Sure, there's also "Make Money" but I believe that  will take care of itself as long as I'm sticking to my values.