Jane's Guide Loves Me!

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Kiwi Candy, the Crossover

The Hollywood-gorgeous Kiwi Candy and I were chatting today about callers we've shared in the nine months since she has skyrocketed to NiteFlirt fame. Background: she found my blog when she was first starting out, and at first I mentored her a bit, but we became friends as she kicked my ass in the ratings, and now I ask her advice as often as she does with me.

It's easy to bond in that vulnerable time of night that is made for fucking, that 10pm-2am window when both our defenses are a little lower and our minds are both set in sexy mode. We often keep each other company between calls.

She's as genuine as I am: she really loves phone sex, she really wants to please her callers, and she really is that adorable. But more important to me than her beauty and cuteness, she has the thing I require in my truest of friends: she genuinely cares about doing the right thing. Hell, if you generalize further, it's still true: she genuinely cares. She gives a shit. She's good people. I feel fortunate to know her.

Candy and I have never met in person, although I'm certain we will some day. (You'll get videos of us doing naughty things with each other if you fly me to her! Not kidding!) But we recommend each other a lot on our blogs and on our calls, which has led to us having 15 or 20 callers in common.

So today, we were talking about some of the Candy+Galiana fantasies our callers have played out with us, and we decided to do crossover blog posts about them. Because we're both giant dorks who amuse ourselves a lot. And this sounded fun, so we're doing it.

The Maid: He and I are married, and Candy is our maid, who probably never actually cleans anything other than my pussy with her tongue, while I'm guiding her head with my hands, and he's fucking her from behind. Oh, and my juices off his cock after he fucks me while Candy and I 69 with me on top. But not so much with the *dusting*, really.

Fembot Assembly: The Candy-bot makes a superb to help assemble a brand new Galiana-bot to test her pleasure thresholds. How does one test a new Galiana-bot? Have the Candy-bot lick and finger it when she is being fucked from behind, of course! Gosh. All the good technicians know that.

The Fembot Cat Fight: The handy thing about androids is that you can always wipe their memories and repair them, and they're as good as new! So, y'know, if the Candy-droid and Galiana-droid had their jealousy levels increased, we could rip each other to pieces... literally. It's obvious her chest panel is more delicate than mine, it's not my fault she can't function without this handful of wires. Oh, well, maybe it is. Oops. But what do I care? That'll keep her away from my man!

The Struggling Submissive: Since she admitted she's capable of having an orgasm without touching her pussy if the mental / visual stimulus is strong enough (as am I), he could tie her into an X and make her watch while he fucks me, and she can be released when she comes that way ... maybe twice ... if he's feeling generous ...

The Two-Girl Blowjob: The guy with the 11" cock (seriously, we've both seen him on cam, and he's not exaggerating) wants us both to slide our tongues and lips over him. Good, because I'm not sure either of us could take care of that thing on our own!

The Exhibitionists: Two different callers want to masturbate in front of us, as we're watching them, and possibly playing with each other, but the important part is that we're both watching him masturbate. We both honestly, genuinely love watching men stroke themselves, and we feel like we learn new techniques. We both especially like watching that guy in California with the full beard who does that overhand squeeze thing ...

The Strap-On: He wants to feel her pounding me with a strap-on because it shoves his cock deeper into my throat. Or me pounding him with a strap-on while he has his lips wrapped around her clit. Or one of us fucking him while he's fucking the other one. Or...

Oh good grief almighty, now I can't think straight. Surely someone has plane fare to spare, don't you? Pretty please?

Video: Galiana-bot Remote Control

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Video(s): Pleasurebot Testing

A gentleman who has seen the Galiana Demo videos (first and second) requested a custom video of the testing done on a Galiana model pleasurebot android before she is shipped to her new owner.

Please note: this version of the Galiana model was ordered especially full-figured, and appears even curvier than earlier demonstration models.

We here at Advanced Smart Fun Robotics (ASFR) take our testing very seriously: we test extensively and thoroughly indeed, which resulted in 25:48 of video. Yep, that's over 25 minutes of fembot testing!

During most of the testing, the unit was naked, which is why we cannot show as many pictures as we normally would to showcase our videos. The one picture shown is from the "Strip Tease" section of testing, when the model was in demonstration human emulation mode. Stripping does, of course, requires clothing to be put ON before it can be taken OFF... although that might have caused a bit of confusion...

All four parts combined are $40 (they are $48 if you purchase them individually, so that is more than a 15% savings!). Link to buy the combination video: http://bit.ly/npzBa4

Each part is $12 if you purchase them separately.

The descriptions below of each part would be considered spoilers if you were considering these a work of fiction, so if you prefer to be surprised by the testing parameters and results, please stop reading now.

Part 1 (07:58): Boot Up, Test Basic Movement, Describe Model Specifications

The naked pleasurebot boots up, stating her manufacturer/series/model/serial number/programming, then begins testing basic movement. After walking, bending, etc have been confirmed to be functioning as expected, she describes the specifications ordered for her particular unit. Link to buy Part 1: http://bit.ly/nTAJ4Y

Part 2 (06:39): Describe Sexual Programming, including explicit close-ups

The naked pleasurebot switches to demonstration human emulation mode to describe in a chirpy, happy, straightforward way all the sexual positions available to someone interacting with a Galiana series fembot: oral, breasts, vaginal, and anal, with explicit closeups, but no penetration (unless you count fingers being stuck down a throat as penetration). Link to buy Part 2: http://bit.ly/o3jOLq

Part 3 (06:59): Testing Strip Tease and Erotic Dancing functionality

The naked pleasurebot tests erotic movement capabilities, including dancing and strip tease... but runs into some issues because stripping requires clothing to have been put on first. This is resolved, and the testing continues. Link to buy Part 3: http://bit.ly/ph6TNc

Part 4 (04:32): Testing Pleasure Processing with dildo, leading to malfunction-via-orgasm

The once-again-naked pleasurebot tests pleasure processing by using a dildo with her vaginal unit, initiating the orgasm sequence, a run of events which reveals a few calibration issues which clearly need to be resolved before the unit can be shipped. The Galiana unit's ending position is clearly not an indication of fembot health. Link to buy Part 4: http://bit.ly/r9R42d

No matter which part(s) you choose, you get both the large (1280 x 720) and small (320x240) resolutions. The format is WMV (please contact Ms Galiana Chance at ASFR Customer Service if you require a different format).

Remember: at ASFR, we have "The Best Human Emulation Mode in the Business!" and "Your Fun Comes First!"

Video: Galiana-bot Monitoring Fembots and Changing Clothes

I shot this custom video back in April, and it has been available on my "Stuff to Buy" page for a while, but I never announced it, silly me.

Watch the trailer!

This video was made from a custom script. In the first half, I am monitoring other fembots and reporting on their progress (so the first 9-ish minutes are close up of my face talking in emotionless mode).

In the second half, I receive new orders to prep for a multi-fembot orgy, so I peel off my jacket and blouse and skirt, revealing a lacy black bra and panties and garter belt and stockings, and then I put on a silver newsboy hat and some silver gloves, and practice my greetings to get ready for the party!

running time: 18:19
resolution: large (1440 x 1080) and small (320x240) are both included
format: WMV (please contact me directly if you require a different format)
price: $15

ASFR Galiana Demo #02

The Advanced Smart Fun Robotics demonstration conference call for the Galiana model android has been rescheduled, because the first one ended so... unexpectedly.

This time, We've added moderators at our remote locations to guard against override codes. What could possibly go wrong?

running time: 16:39
resolution: large (1440 x 1080) and small (320x240) are both included
format: WMV (contact me directly if you require a different format)

cost $20 (but if you purchased the first demo via NiteFlirt, check your NiteFlirt email for a special offer!)

And this time... I made a trailer!

As a side note, I'm pretty sure this series will continue, and I've decided that the tagline "What could possibly go wrong?" is one of the funniest things I've ever written. Hooray for malfunction fetishists...