Heartland Kink

This is a story of how to get involved in your local BDSM / kink community, as well as a little smut about my life.

The short version: my husband got to consensually smack an adorable masochistic college student in her early 20s, and I got to grab her boobs, and it was awesome. The rest of this blog post is the long version.

When we moved here in October, we knew the fastest way to find open-minded friends would probably be to involve ourselves with the kink / BDSM community. FetLife seemed a good place to start: a high concentration of people who won't disapprove of my phone sex career, and FetLife is excellent at discovering community events.

We went to a "munch" first, the name of a group event held in a public place for the purpose of socializing, but also to screen newcomers. You don't want newbies' first contact to be at a play party. You want them somewhere else first to give a less-charged place to ask questions, and to screen them. To pass that screening, most groups only require that you seem non-pathological and non-tar-babyish (a tar baby is someone who won't let you go once you touch them).

Here's how you seem non-pathological: Smile when you meet new people. Don't touch anybody until they touch you / offer to be touched (offering a hand for a shake, offering a hug, etc). Don't assume you have any rights - ask respectfully about everything, even if you're a Dom (especially if you're a Dom). Ask engaging questions about the interests of others (which types of play do you enjoy? which types of events do you enjoy? how long have you been in the community?). Ask questions about the community (how often do you meet? are there play parties? are there educational events?).

Here's how you avoid seeming like a tar-baby: Approach every event with the attitude that you'll find a play partner at the *next* event, but not at this one, to take the pressure off yourself - today, you are only building your reputation as an awesome person. If someone has spent more than 10 minutes with you, thank them for their time and attention, tell them you'd love to take up their whole evening, but ask if they need to mingle instead, thereby graciously releasing them if they wish to move on, and if they say no and stay with you, smile and thank them casually. If you compliment someone, don't follow it up with an awkward pause that communicates "see? I'm nice, now don't you want to fuck me?" and instead move on to the next topic as if you didn't just compliment them.

Other anti-tar-baby tips: Don't ask anyone to fuck you, or if you must and they say no, DO NOT ask again because that shit will get your ass thrown out. Don't ask anyone to play with you, or if you must as they say no, DO NOT ask again... You see the pattern here, right? It's best to wait until at least your third event before you ask to play (but accepting another's offer can happen any time) to avoid being seen as needy.

Never assume you have the same privileges as someone else. Story time to explain this point:

At our first introductory munch, the woman sitting next to my husband was playfully choked by two attendees. My husband DID NOT have permission to choke her, for two reasons: (1) he had never asked to choke her and (2) she had never offered to let him choke her. This is not complicated.

Along those same lines, because it was our first munch, and the first time my husband had met that woman, it would have been awkward for him to ask to choke her. Wait till he meets her for the third time.

Instead, my husband watched her being choked, and after the first choker left, he complimented her on how beautiful her expressions were when it was happening (compliments are good as long as you don't fall silent and stare expectantly after them), and before she had the chance to be awkward about accepting a compliment, he asked her how she found out she liked being choked. She got to tell a sexy story, he enjoyed hearing her sexy story, then they naturally wandered off into other topics with other people, with no awkwardness. She friended him on FetLife after the event. Who knows if they'll ever play together? But at least she isn't creeped out by him.

Anyway, the woman sitting next to me was AWESOME about explaining the structure of the community, who organized events, and what happened in the area. She was a natural greeter, an information fountain, very sweet. We friended each other on FetLife. The important thing is that we did not creep her out, which we did by being friendly and relaxed and grateful for her information.

Four days later, she posted on FetLife that she and her boyfriend/Dom had broken up (we had met him too). We asked her to dinner to take her mind off things, and to say thanks for the kick-ass introduction to the community she had given us, and she accepted. After dinner, she came back to our house and hung out with my husband while I worked upstairs. I heard a lot of giggling. They didn't play. My husband had all kinds of amusing stories to tell me later of how he cheered her up and learned a bit more about the locals. We engaged her and her friends on her FetLife posts in supportive, amusing ways.

So now we had a munch and a private dinner, and nobody has played, and we hadn't asked anybody to play. We were just nice. Neighborly. Kind. Supportive. That's it.

Yay bewbs

Last week, that same young woman let us know about a local party: bring a dish to share, and a kinky toy to trade, white-elephant style, worth $5 or less. My husband whipped out his maker skills converting a dowel rod and an unused wooden spatula into fierce-looking converted pervertables, and we brought dip and chips.

Since I had not been able to show my boobs the previous weekend at hub's holiday party, I busted em out for this one (picture taken before we left, when my lipstick still looked good).

We found ourselves at a cozy party of 10 where we were the only ones in our 40s, and only one guy in his 30s, and the rest were young whippersnappers. We mostly succeeded in the unnatural effort of "not dropping 80s references".

The hostess had obviously played before with one of the guests, since he kept picking up things and hitting her with them... hard. It made her giggle. Another guest brought her floggers and crop to show off. Several of the other kinky gifts were also things to beat people with. People started asking to try out toys, getting smacked and smacking for a few moments at a time.

Here's the important thing: everyone asked first, before trying a toy, and before hitting someone else. Everyone started out soft. Nobody hit harder until they were told they could. Everyone stopped when the person getting hit said "That's good, thanks!" I got to feel the spatula, the dowel rod, the crop, and one of the floggers. I got to use all of the above on others. Fun!

I wore the hat the whole party

Then the hostess was against a wall having a flogger tried out on her, and it went on for more than a few moments, and it got intense. She mentioned she was feeling warm, and we kindly offered she could remove her top, assuming she would not. She did. So we shut all the blinds, and enjoyed a topless woman with amazing boobs getting flogged. Oh yes, we enjoyed it a lot.

After they took a break, the hostess, clearly happy with the flogging, invited anyone at the party to hit her with anything. She was standing close to me at the time, still topless, and I said, "What about grabbing your awesome boobs?" and she said, "You can do that!" so I totally did. They were awesome.

About half an hour later, my husband wanted to see how the crop handled, so he asked the hostess if he could smack her with it. Note: she had already given permission to everyone to hit her, and yet, he still asked. She enthusiastically agreed, and after a few good swats, it was obvious that she really really really liked the crop a lot (she'd never had one), and he was really really really enjoying hitting her with it, and the room got quiet and watched, which obviously turned both of them on even more.

Twenty minutes later, when she was starting to bruise... badly... he slowed down, thanked her profusely, told her that he was so honored to have beaten her, and stayed with her until she hugged him and insisted she didn't need aftercare (he wasn't calling it that, but he was behaving in an aftercare-ish kind of a way), at which point he quietly faded to a different conversation.

Silly hat and awesome boobs,
as we were leaving,
with vertigo goofiness kicking in

We wrote her after the party and thanked her again for hosting, for being willing to be groped, for being willing to be beaten, and for welcoming us into the community.

So now we have new friends on FetLife (everyone from the party accepted our invites), we're signed up for another munch and another party in January, and we have a start on a fun sense of community.

The key to success? We weren't assuming we would play. We weren't pushing for play. We approached opportunities to play cautiously, with a lot of mutual respect and double-checking (my husband checked in with the hostess he was beating constantly because they didn't negotiate ahead of time). We approached the entire community and each interaction as if we were cultural anthropologists entering the temple of a religion we didn't know very well, but needed to learn more about. Respect everyone, ask permission for everything, assume nothing, and accept offers graciously.

And maybe you'll get to grab a coed's boobs. Squeeeee!

Subby With Hubby

Warning: Those of you who like to pretend that I am never with another man should skip this post.

I have a new picture set up for sale, called "Subby With Hubby", which is way too cutesy, but once I thought of it, I couldn't let it go.

During my 40th birthday celebration photo shoot, I needed some assistance with the portions of the evening where I was being submissive, and my husband was kind enough to offer a helping hand.

He helped position me when I was clamped in yellow:

He helped bind me when I was hog-tied in purple:

He helped put a big ol' handprint on both sides of my ass (most of the picture set is him spanking me HARD, twice, me reacting, and then me showing off his "handiwork" as it reddened up nicely):

He helped splash me with wax at the end of the night (although we didn't get very far because we'd been photographing for five hours, and the candle had to be really close so we didn't mess up the photographer's kitchen, and the heat was too intense for me on my breast, and all of a sudden, I was DONE... but my boobs do look kinda awesome when I'm lying on my back on a towel on the kitchen floor):

My personal favorite picture of the entire night: after the spanking (two swift strokes with NO warmup), he felt a bit bad, so I assured him I wasn't mad, and the photographer caught it. Awwww:

There are 57 photos in the set, all 2048 x 1364 or 1364 x 2048 pixels (that's more than four times larger than these preview pics), so there's at least one detailed picture of every part of my body in this set. Ass-lovers and spanking fans will be especially happy, I think.

The set is just $15, which includes a lot of pictures, high quality, and a wide variety of shots. If you like your Galiana submissive, turned on, and writhing in (pain? / pleasure?), purchase by clicking here:

Submission In Yellow

With all the talk lately on this blog about me dominating and controlling and wiping minds, it might be easy to forget that I absolutely love being a submissive pain-slut now and then. I love the endorphins. I love the challenge of "Can I take one... more... minute...?" And I love the way my brain stops thinking, and all I can do is feel. Delicious.

During my 40th birthday photo shoot, I planned submissive and dominant photos for each outfit. For my sweet pastel yellow lingerie submissive portion, I chose a pastel purple blindfold, pink panties as a gag, a cute rhinestone collar, bright neon chip clips for my nipples and labia (yyyyeouch), and a tiny bubble-gum pink vibrator with a clit stimulator.

The concept was: the cheeriest, brightest, cutest painslut pictures possible. I'm obviously way too easily amused.

Blogspot won't let me show nipples or labia, so here's the safe stuff:

But the pictures for sale include my full body, including close-ups of the clamps and vibrator on my pussy.

The time stamps on the pictures indicate that I was clamped for less than ten minutes, but my face when I removed them indicates that was plenty of time, thank you very much:

Don't worry, the pain subsided... see?

Oh, wait, maybe that's delirium kicking in... It's hard to tell.

The full set of 34 pictures is available via NiteFlirt for $10. Delivery is via a web page which has a little caption for each picture, and also via a zip file with higher-resolution pictures but no captions.



And of course, you can find all pay-to-view packages for sale on My Flirt Store. Hey, wow, look, I'm up to 25 things for sale now! Good for me!

Now I just need to get my butt in gear to also put together the submissive pics from the purple & red outfits...

Or Sometimes I Just Go Nuts

I wrote about how carefully I negotiate BDSM / domination scenes here in this blog post, right? Safe and consensual, it's what I'm all about, right?

Then today I get a call on my Fem Dommes listing, and ... ummmm... went to town on the guy. He said he wanted to serve me and sounded all desperate already, which I've heard dozens of times before, but somehow, his particular flavor of longing unleashed me to not give a flying fuck what his preferences or boundaries were.

Next thing I knew, with no negotiation whatsoever, I was seated on a chair, he was kneeling naked between my thighs, my heels were digging into his legs, and I had hold of a rope that led to his nipple clamps, so it hurt him when I twitched, but he knew it would hurt worse later if he didn't make my pussy feel good enough right then.

What. The. Hell. Where did that come from?

Inner Dominatrix: Hello, Galiana.
Galiana / Chooser: You've got to be kidding me.
Inner Dominatrix: (smiles, licks her lips, and patiently straightens the strands of her flogger)
Inner Storyteller: Oooo! Fun! Welcome to our Inner Dialogue cast, Ma'am. (whispering) Love the boots.

Great. It seems there's a new addition to the crew that I have to watch out for. And she's definitely a hijacker. As if it weren't crowded enough in here already...

Becoming Mistress Galiana

Today's post brought to you by... I'm on the front page of Fetish -> Fem Dommes! And pleasantly shocked by that!

Three months ago, I wrote a blog post about being an on-phone Mistress. A commenter wrote, "I can't help but wonder if this Mistress Galiana isn't closer to who you are becoming?" I replied:

"I have about 4 more blog posts started to explore that very question, but the very short summary is: I've always been a social and professional switch (can bottom or top as needed), but never figured out how to translate it to the bedroom before now. I'm looking forward to continuing to explore it.

I know I'll never be just a Mistress. I know I'll always be a switch. I trust that I will eventually be confident as a Mistress, just as confident as I was as a Tech Manager after I'd been a Tech Manager for 6 years. Wow. I hope it doesn't take me 6 years this time."

It didn't take 6 years. It took about 50 calls. Patterns are beginning to emerge.

I have to talk about it first. As it says in my Domme and Hypno listings, negotiation is mandatory. Everyone wants a different blend of restraint, feminization, sensory overload, sensory deprivation, guided masturbation, tease and denial, pain, reward, punishment, encouraging or requiring bisexual activity, and/or cuckolding role play. Submissives who expect me to launch into a script tend to hang up on me. People who want an unusual blend, or a bit of connection before we play, are the ones who tend to call me back.

I love boys with toys. When a sub says he has a cock ring and a butt plug and a dildo and a flogger and clothespins, it's like having a road map to delicious sadistic debauchery. I know, that's lazy of me. But I love it. 


I understand. My honesty about being a switch has attracted some who want to know their Mistress understands their side of the fence. Because I have also experienced the delicious thrill of having a Master's or Mistress' complete and utter attention, knowing they have our mutual pleasure in mind, I am able to give that same focus. 

I want the best from them. If someone craves tease and denial before they climax, I want them to be sweating before I allow them to come. If someone wants to improve their cock sucking skills, I want to see that lipstick ring all the way down to the base of that dildo. I know having someone else spur you on helps you stretch yourself, and it's amazingly erotic.

I want the best for them. I genuinely want to help people be their best. So if someone is confessing guilt to me about things they found erotic, but disturbing, with another Mistress, I'm happy to guide them away from those pitfalls and toward new ways of experiencing pleasure. I especially feel like I'm helping sissies become their best, because there's so much to learn about being a good slutty girl! Heels! Makeup! Fellatio! Oh my!

I love erotic hypnosis. I am finding it amazingly gratifying to to be able to tell someone, "I am pleased with you," and hear them shudder with erotic pleasure. I'm not interested in brainwashing someone to their detriment, but I will enhance an orgasm every day of the week. Taking someone deep and strengthening their response to my voice is just fun. 

I have limits. But I wrote about those in this blog post, so I won't repeat them.

Wads of cash are not appearing. Financial domination is much more often a fantasy than a reality. The urge to pamper me and buy me gifts tends to disappear about 5 seconds after an orgasm. I believe that some women get large tributes from real financial submissives, but so far, I am not one of those women. I'm still enjoying the heck out of those calls - it is just as much fun to fantasize about being spoiled as it is to fantasize about seducing neighbors or being the lucky girl in a gang bang. But it ain't real so far.

I need to improve: teasing. I'm getting better at drawing out a teasing session, and I know dozens of ways to stimulate a cock with my fingers and tongue, but I still suck at staying away from a cock. I mean, honestly, it's right there, twitching at me, how can I ignore it? Plus, I have vivid memories of saying that I want to be teased for 30 minutes, but then 15 minutes into it, I'm dying to come, so I still tend to cave too quickly. I'm getting better. My pacing control is improving, and I'm remembering to interrupt the action more often. But there's plenty of room to grow.

I need to improve: return conditions. When a submissive promises me he won't masturbate until he calls back, and then he doesn't call back, I wonder: is he concerned I'll be upset? I won't be. It just shows how weak he is without my guidance and how much he needs me to help him be his best. Right? But how do you communicate that without giving someone an "easy way out" and being a wimpy Mistress? Confusing.

I still need to improve: humiliation. Sometimes I can be ruthlessly cutting - when I heard myself asking a painslut small penis humiliation subby if a penis that small was even capable of feeling pain and described flumping it with my finger, I realized my s.p.h. has gotten pretty solid. And I'm almost always much more cruel the second and third time we talk than the first, as if it has to soak into my subconscious that he really does get an erotic charge from this, but it would be lovely if I could jump in more easily. 


I summed it all up pretty neatly in an email to a financial submissive who changed his mind after he climaxed: 

I think sexual experience and sexual expression can help people on their path to becoming the best version of themselves. I don't personally understand how being humiliated or financially dominated can fulfill someone, but I know how being beaten helped me, and that is equally irrational.

Since I have limits of what I would say (and many other Mistresses do not seem to), I like to think that at least I'm a slightly safer pool to splash about it. The rocks you're drawn to by my siren voice are, hopefully, only foam board, and your ship should stay perfectly safe with me.

I'm loving becoming Mistress Galiana, so much more than I thought I would. Bring it on.

Domination and Submission

Who is really in control when one person is dominating and another is submitting? Who really has the power there? It's trixie, isn't it? Especially in the world of phone sex.

When someone calls my submissive line and asks me to dominate them, I've come to understand that what they want is a non-scripted topping. They want me to control them, but they want something specific that is springing from their imagination, instead of from the fantasy that someone else has constructed.

If I were a strict, traditional, ritual-based or humiliation-based Domme, I'd tell them to flog themselves for the impertinence of suggesting that they know better than I, and continue on My training program for them with no regard for their desires at all. And, honestly, then I'd be bored. Plus, then, they'd be gone to the next submission line to try to find someone who can give them what they're craving.

But instead, I listen and ask questions: How much pain do you like: spanking, floggers, paddles, clamps, slapping? Humiliation or encouragement or both: name-calling, setting up impossible tasks to punish you for failing, setting up tasks for you to succeed so you can be a good pet? Exhibitionism: have my friends to come over and watch or participate? Bondage: making you hold yourself still, or getting tied up? Feminization: panties, dressing up, makeup, being entered like a woman? Sex: being guided, tease and denial, eventual release, plugs, cock rings, getting pegged?

I don't ask all of that on every call, but that's the idea: I need to know what you enjoy so I can give that to you. So. At that point, who's in charge? Sure, I'm calling you bitch boi and stuffing my strap-on into your mouth, but if I know you love it, then really, I'm serving you.

I'll share a secret with you: When I'm being submissive to someone who understands what pushes my buttons, I think I get the better end of the deal. I get all the attention. I get someone using their creativity to drive me crazy, to explore and see just how many noises the Galiana Squeaky Toy can produce. I get to feed their pleasure and feel them feeding off mine. Maybe they're getting something out of it, too, but I usually feel selfishly, greedily, deeply satisfied after being well-topped.

So I understand what bottoms want. Well, bottoms like me anyway.


When BDSM is cooperative and interactive, the way I like it, and maybe even sometimes playful (/gasp - oh the heresy!), control goes both ways. Attention goes both ways. Passion goes both ways. Ideally, even creativity goes both ways, although more subtly from the sub. They're flip sides of the same coin, domination and submission.

Wanna flip a coin?

Tuesday Off Line

I'll be off line Tuesday (Sept 7). It's not because I'll be going back to work like most of America, because I did not take the weekend off. In fact, my weekend work was lovely - thanks to some of you calling!

I'm going to the dentist, which means the whole day off for me, because I have big fat dental phobia. So when I go to the dentist for anything more than a routine cleaning, I have to give myself knock-out drugs. Like a Rufi, but prescribed, where I can't remember anything afterwards.

Seems like I'm over-reacting, doesn't it? But I've heard enough things like: "There's no way you should be able to feel that with as much Novocaine as you have" or "There shouldn't even be nerve endings there anymore" or "Between your anti-anxiety drugs and the laughing gas, how are you even awake, much less in pain?" ... So, really, if there's a good reason to say things like that to me ever again, honestly, I just don't want to remember it.

Pthththth. That pretty much sums up my extraordinarily mature response right there. Pthththth indeed.

I'll be back Wednesday, right as rain, with only minor discomfort (which I can easily avoid aggravating, even during oral calls), having gotten more than enough sleep, and with zero traumatic memories. Hooray for modern medicine, and an understanding and accommodating dentist.

But for the up side, when I'm not going to the dentist, having a mouth with too many nerve endings has advantages. Like, I have more sensation on the roof of my mouth than most people seem to. I explain that more here. And in general, my mouth is a pretty happy place as long as it's remaining occupied, which I look forward to it being again Wednesday.