Journeying and Returning

Today's questions: What do you do between calls? Is it hard to hang up with one guy with one fantasy and have another one call with a different fantasy? How do you recharge if a call wipes you out?

I love symbolism, mythology, archetypes, and stories. The more you know, the greater the probability that something you feel or do can be better explained or understood. Today's answers are brought to you by my pitifully small knowledge of faery lore and shamanic journeying.

If you're taking a shamanic journey, or traveling to the faery world, don't eat while you're there. The act of eating while in another world anchors your body to that place. The girl in Spirited Away changed when she ate, and Coraline never should have had what her Other Mother was cooking.

But when you get back, when the ritual is done, then is the perfect time to return to your body with all your senses and re-enter into your daily life by partaking of the most daily of tasks: drinking and eating.

So when I'm on calls, I almost never drink or eat. My mind often feels like I'm elsewhere, floating a little, yet not completely separated from my body because I can still feel the physical pleasures of that other place.

When a call ends, I usually stay on the line after the caller hangs up to change my status to Away - the computer voice gives me the option to change status after telling me how many minutes the call lasted.

Then, almost always, the first thing I do is drink: the refreshing feeling of something cold (and caffeinated!) feels like a shower for my brain, like it washes away the remnants of the other world.

Almost always the next thing I do is eat: a bite or two of veggies or crackers or whatever I have on hand. The act of physically nourishing myself brings me from someone else's lust landscape back to my own needs.

Then I ask myself, "How would you feel if the phone rang right now?" Usually, if the answer is not "happy", it's because I need to go the bathroom, rest, stretch, eat something more substantial, or just change my scenery for a bit. Regardless of the reason, I stay logged out and care for my needs and enjoy my life (often with the assistance of two adorable rescue mutts and an endlessly fetch-able tennis ball) until the answer changes to "Happy."

Then I log back on, good to go!

Request for Help: Invite Listing

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Apparently In Trouble

Apparently I'm in trouble. Allow me to attempt to un-en-trouble myself, which, I suspect, will only cause further trouble, but at least it's worth a try.

Dear everyone I did not mention by name in my blog post from yesterday titled "What I Want: Lust for Me",

The four callers I mentioned are examples of the types of callers I want to attract, not a complete list. The list does not represent my top four favorite callers of all time. Not that they're not favorites, but... ummm... Look, they simply came to mind because I happened to talk with them this past week, and they neatly fit together into a package of commonalities. But if you and I had a long conversation last week, it's not that I didn't enjoy it... /sigh. This isn't helping at all, is it?

Okay, here's the deal: if I sound like I enjoy talking with you, then I genuinely enjoy talking with you. You know what I sound like when I'm faking and straining and uninterested and disengaged? I sound fake and strained and uninterested and disengaged. You'd know, I promise. Slightly better? No?

Well, what if I pout and say I'm sorry?

I'm so sorry. It'll never happen again, I promise. 

I crack myself up sometimes. Also, maybe sincere apologies aren't exactly my strong suit...

Interactive Erotica

I was exchanging some sexual history with "Doc Cupid," who, like me and several other callers, discovered his interest in some kinks by reading about them first. Stuff like Literotica, the Alt Sex Stories Text Repository, my time on ERWA. He said that now he enjoys video more than writing, and added, "and, of course, what you do, which is like interactive erotica, isn't it?"

Why yes! Yes, that's exactly what it's like.

I LOVE THAT DESCRIPTION SO MUCH.

Side note: Maybe I should wait until my happy post-orgasm hormones fade before posting blog entries. They seem to cause spontaneous caps lock.

Multi-tasking, Part 2

Last month, I wrote about overextended multi-tasking here.

Today, I woke up with the urge to clean up and organize the Fuckatorium. And now that I think about it, the lingerie has been in piles because I should figure out a better place for it, now that I have more of it. And I got new dresses for my birthday, which are my uniform of choice for the new job as a phone sex operator, but they're not available in quite the right way, so what if I move my luggage from my armoire and put dresses there? Then the luggage should really go into the back closet, but I need to put away a few loads of clean laundry I've been dumping there. Some of those are sheets, and I should really figure out which kinds of sheets we have...

About that time, I thankfully realized what I was doing, and sent my husband a text (he was at the grocery store), "Uh oh. Well-rested enough to have the urge to do 15 organizational projects at once. Wanna help?" Lucky for me, he had a couple of hours to contribute, and we ended up getting a few things done.

One thing done

Writing this blog obviously helped me. I remembered writing about failing at multi-tasking much more vividly than I would have remembered just failing at multi-tasking without writing about it. So I chose to start with the dresses, which now hang in my bedroom, so when I get up with the dogs in the morning to feed them and let them out, I can just easily pull on a dress without going out of sight into the closet (which makes the dogs whine in their crates and then everybody's awake, and much grumpier than we are with no whining).

It seems insane that it has taken me a week to feel fully recovered from the trip/party activities of Sept 16-25, and yet, it seems to have taken that long indeed.

But it also feels like I've arrived at an appropriately autumnal emotional space: nesting, rearranging, organizing. It feels like I've done this job long enough to finally understand how I need to move my stuff to match my life, and that I have the energy to get it done. Well, some of it, anyway.

What I Want: Lust for Me

Welcome to the third episode in the narcissistic "What I Want" series. First, honesty. Second, a vivid imagination. Third, today's installment: Lust for Me. I mean, as long as I'm being narcissistic, I might as well go all out, right?

This week I've had fewer calls (as expected after so much time off Sept 16-25), but some calls I've gotten have been lovely, luscious, lingering, longer conversations, which I have enjoyed tremendously. I do limit certain types of intense calls to just an hour, as I explained in this blog post, but the ones this week have had periods of intensity mixed with meandering relaxation, so I've managed to keep afloat and keep going quite happily.

I thought about these enjoyable calls, and how to turn them into a blog post. The "What I Want" series was a natural fit, because I want to attract people like these guys: "The Wanker" and "True Sighs" and "Other Cucked" and "The Omnivore" (fka 'Dirty Reader' until I saw his tumblr page and realized he finds almost every woman on earth sexy as hell).

They have several commonalities: they all lust after a wide variety of types of women, which I think shows imagination and open-mindedness and a sex-positive attitude. Keep up the good work, and spread the message of the sexiness of non-models, far and wide! And they have all used phone sex for a while, so they know what they like in a phone sex provider.

And they each have a specific attraction to me:

• The Wanker loves that I have a husband and lover, but no desire to procreate - he finds my high sex drive appealing in and of itself. 
• True Sighs loves that my imagination isn't bound by reality-based physics or images - we find ourselves wandering about in mythological archetypes and transforming into M.C.Escher-esque configurations. 
• Other Cucked loves that I understand the practical and emotional benefits of his traditional marriage, but also understand the hypnotic appeal of "other" - we talk about the power-exchange dynamics of dominance and submission, and the mesmerizing appeal of being cuckolded by big black cocks. 
• The Omnivore loves my vivid descriptions and understanding of the complexity of human emotions - he feeds me naughty ideas and then listens, entranced and engorged, as I flesh them out by describing what each participant feels physically, and the often-conflicting emotions that pleasure can cause. 

They all come to me with their lust, which is often primarily fueled by lust for other people, but they want me to add to their experience in some specific way. Somehow, it makes a difference to them that it is me on the phone. They enjoy my insights, my descriptions, my honest confessions of what turns me on.

I don't want exclusivity, but I do enjoy specificity. Whenever I enjoy a conversation, there was always something specific in the dynamic with that exact person, some thought or feeling or image I never would have experienced with anyone else. Every partner has a different dynamic.

So what I want is people who recognize the uniqueness of our dynamic, and who choose to appreciate our co-creation.

It Gets Better

Today I've been grateful for the "It Gets Better" movements that are springing up in support of LGBT teens who are being bullied for their sexual preferences. I don't want this to be a political blog, but it doesn't seem political to me to want completely different outcomes for these bright young lives.

I talk to smart, articulate, fun men almost every day who enjoy dressing in women's clothing, or crave the feeling of a big thick cock in their mouth (I'd never blame anyone for that), or who are contemplating telling their macho jock friends they have a boyfriend. It's a pleasure. Sometimes, it even feels like a bit of an honor to share their secrets, and to wish them well in becoming the person they feel they are meant to be.

The Trevor Hotline at 1-866-488-7386 is just one of dozens of resources available, that I hope people use when they need it. And, like every suicide and domestic abuse hotline, I hope someday, nobody needs to use it at all.