PSO FAQ

I've been asked a lot of questions about being a Phone Sex Operator, so I thought I'd pull together a Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ). Enjoy!

What does PSO stand for?

Phone Sex Operator, which I've been since July 2010.

Why did you become a Phone Sex Operator?

I was a theater major (1988-1992), who became a self-taught learn-on-the-job programmer/data analyst/tech consultant/business analyst/IT manager (1995-2009), then I came down with a mysterious neurological vertigo that makes me feel drunk all the time and prevents me from managing geeks (2009-present).

When I found a medicine that balanced my brain chemistry enough to allow me to talk on the phone, answer emails, and write blog entries now and then, I realized I had the skills to try being a phone whore, so I tried it, I love it SO MUCH I CAN'T STAND IT, and I'm still doing it!

Why did you choose NiteFlirt (and MyPhoneSite, which I started doing later)?

I researched phone sex companies by doing something brilliant like googling "phone sex jobs", and talked with my friend who had done NiteFlirt.com (which works the same way MyPhoneSite.com does in terms of starting up). Here's what I found:

- The Basics : NiteFlirt, MyPhoneSite, VIPWithMe, TalkSugar, and a few other similar sites are essentially platforms for independent PSOs (I'll lump them all together as "NiteFlirt" or "NF" for the rest of this post, but I probably mean all of them unless I specify otherwise), so you set up your own ads (listings), and you don't report to anybody. When you work with a phone sex company like LDW Group or one of the 800 numbers in the back of porn mags (which I'll call "a company" or "companies"), they set up your listing for you, and you report to someone.

- Schedule : Many companies require 40 hours a week, or for you to maintain a set schedule. I am incapable of committing to any type of regular schedule (see vertigo above), so that disqualified most of them for me. NiteFlirt lets you log in and out as you wish. Typically, the more time you're available, the better you do.

- Traffic : Companies drive their own traffic by putting out ads, etc, but some of them also require you to drive traffic by participating in chat rooms, blogging, or other activities. You should be able to quickly build a full shift of calls with a company. NiteFlirt specifically has tremendous traffic (in the top 100 adult sites on Alexa - by far the highest of any phone-sex-focused website), but also has thousands of active providers, so the competition is fierce. Many independent PSOs choose to help drive traffic by having blogs, twitter, taking out ads, etc, but you don't have to. I've heard anecdotally that many people take three to six months to build a full shift of calls, and even then, it's much less steady and much less of a sure thing than with companies.

- Time-to-income ratio : Many independents (NiteFlirt, etc) spend 2-4 hours being available for calls for every hour they spend actually on a phone call getting paid. From what I understand of companies (although I've never worked for one), it's more like 1 hour of available for each hour of talk, and that improves as you build regular favorites.

- Pay Rate : On NiteFlirt, you set your own rate and make 60-65% of the rate you set. Other independent sites go as high as 70%. The exact NF formula is: (YourRate - 0.20/min) * 70%. So if your rate is $0.99/min, you'll get $0.55/min and if your rate is $1.49/min, you'll get $0.90/min, and if your rate is $1.99/min, you'll get $1.25/min. Companies typically pay 30-70 cents per minute of talk time.

The most I made in a week was $1,700, and my rate was $0.99/min at the time - but I was available about 80 hours that week, and that included tributes (like tips, and you get to keep 70%) and Amazon gift cards (which I count as income). However, most weeks when I'm available at least 50 hours, I usually make between $600-$1000. The less I'm available, the less predictable my income. I know women who make more, and women who make less. Your mileage WILL CERTAINLY vary. For planning purposes, I guesstimate an average of $20/hour when I'm available.

- Taxes : Independent sites DO NOT take out taxes, so you have to send in self-employment taxes quarterly (if you're in the US). I don't know about companies.

- Pay Schedule : NiteFlirt wins this one hands down: if you set up direct deposit, they sweep your earnings out of your account EVERY DAY and send them to your bank, where they are usually directly deposited about a week later, depending on your bank and other logistics -- that rocks. Most independents and companies pay one or two times per month, although some more frequently.

- Getting Customers : The easiest way to build customers as an independent is to start cheap -- if you're $0.99/min you will get calls once your listing is started. The irrational thing about getting your listing started on NiteFlirt is that you don't show up in searches until you have at least 2 points (you get points by having a 15-minute call or from someone leaving you feedback). So, to get your listing started without breaking any rules (because you are NOT allowed to call yourself or leave your own feedback), your best bet is to have a friend or lover make an account and call you (spend at least $2 so s/he's allowed to leave feedback), and then leave feedback. If you have a couple of willing friends, then "seed" your account this way up to 10 or 20 points - after that, the calls will come in on their own. Yes, this is ethically questionable, but as long as there isn't a way to search for new listings, it's the best way to work around a broken system.

If you're above $0.99/min then you'll just have to wait - one of the top providers on NiteFlirt started a listing at $2.49/minute on a whim (she was unemployed, but a lifestyle Mistress in real life), and left herself logged in for three months, totally forgetting about it, but remembered when the first call came in, and she got lucky and that guy stayed on with her for two hours and sent her tributes and helped rocket her to the top of the listings, where it's easier for people to find you.

Twitter, blog, ads, chat, skype -- your mileage may vary on those. Some people swear by each of them, some people got nothing from each of them.

If you're with a company, they should be driving calls to you, or telling you what to do to drive calls.

Either way, as an independent or with a company, your best way to get customers is to make your existing callers happy so they return. Repeat customers are the easiest, by far far far far far. I can't stress that enough: the easiest way to get phone calls is to please the callers you get.

- Availability : If you're independent, the best way to drive more calls is to be available more often. If you're available at the same time most days, guys start building you into their habitual routines, which is how to make good money. You can't log in for a different 10 hours each week and expect to be busy. Consistency and availability are your friends.

- Multiple Characters : Some PSOs create multiple characters, where each character has a different look and feel. If you're using your own pictures, wigs and outfits and camera angles can do wonders, as can colors and fonts and word choices on your listings. If you're buying someone else's pictures (also called "content") then you can just buy a different set. Since I've never bought content, I'm no help there, but I understand most PSOs guard their content sources as if it were the arc of the covenant... It's very difficult to find models that nobody else is using.

I did, however, create another character using suggestive pictures of my eyes / lips / decolletage, and I had a different speech pattern and a fictional back story for her. Logistically, I found it dizzying (literally) to be logged into multiple characters at once, because you have about 20 seconds from the time you pick up the phone to when the phone call starts to log out of your other characters. But it is clearly true that creating more characters, and having your listings on multiple services, drives more traffic. In the end, I can't do it well - I feel guilty and awkward about keeping details straight on a fictional persona, and I find the logistics stressful when I'm logged into multiple services or multiple characters.

I know some industry people might be shocked or angry that I put this information on a public blog, because it reveals the "industry secret" that sometimes the pictures on a listing are not the actual pictures of the person you're talking with. However, I'm okay sharing it because (a) it's not a well-kept secret (b) not everyone uses content - I know lots of providers who use their own pictures (c) the PSOs who use content pictures often have good reasons to do so, like having school-aged children at home and a crazy ex-husband who would sue for custody if they were discovered, (d) it's clear that many providers using content pictures are amazing at their jobs as well as doing the right thing to protect their family, and finally (e) phone sex, to me, is best when two people are mutually experiencing the energy of a fantasy, and I think that is primarily about the connection - you can have amazing phone sex with someone while picturing their voice coming from someone else's body. So it doesn't matter to me, and I know it doesn't matter to a lot of phone sex callers.

Other Thoughts

- Creepers and Safety : Yes, you'll get creepy calls, but I've talked with over 1,000 men, and I've only blocked 5. Other PSOs have much higher ratios, but still, most callers are genuinely nice people. Your phone number and your identity is protected by the service, so they can only find you if you give them enough information to find you (from your blog, twitter, what you say). Your phone number is protected because they call the service and then the service calls you, but there is no way for either of you to see the other person's number.

- Video : The highest per-minute rates are usually for women who are willing to do videos or go on camera by the minute instead of just over the phone. But obviously, one of the appeals of being a PSO is that you can be anonymous, so if you need to be anonymous, you absolutely can make it to the front page of NiteFlirt by using someone else's pictures... in fact, on any given day, probably at least one person has.

- My Blog : I have blogged ridiculous amounts about being a PSO. If you look at the Categories and click PSO and its subcategories, you'll get more complicated thoughts, and be able to see how my ideas have evolved over time.

More Questions?

I actually kinda love talking about this, so feel free to comment if you have more questions, and I'll try to incorporate the more common ones I may have missed by editing this post.

The truth is, I love to help new PSOs, and help people who are considering becoming PSOs, when I can. Other people helped me when I first started. It's good karma!

Fam Visit

I've recovered enough from my March back injury to un-tether myself from my awesome chiropractors and have a trip back to Houston to visit with the family, including the dubious privilege of attending a middle school graduation, an activity which I can only recommend to those determined to show support and love for one of the participants. I would have expected at least some lessening of the mind-numbing boredom of such ceremonies since mine in 28 years ago, but no. Noooooo such luck.

This upcoming week, I'll fly back home, then turn around and get on a train to Chicago to see a friend act in a show. Obviously, I love her too, because taking the train a day after taking a plane will be... ummm... not conducive to me making any sense at all that evening. I expect to be a confused zombie at the show itself, but hopefully my brain will untangle enough the following day to make sense of it so I can appreciate her good work.

So let's tentatively schedule the first full week of June for my triumphant return to communications, shall we? (fingers crossed, knocking wood, salt over shoulder, etc.) Try to keep yourselves safe til then, won't you?

In the meantime, I've gathered some questions about being a phone sex operator into a Q&A, so that'll be my next post, but I wanted to do a little update first. I hope you enjoy it.

Retro Picture Sets

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Bunny Hop Recovery

I seriously injured my back about 2 months ago now, and my recovery has been a bunny hop: two hops forward, one hop back.

I knew I was ready to write a blog post again finally when the thought of putting on pink lipstick and my roommate's bunny ears for a picture didn't confuse or overwhelm me.

(For the record, my roomie is RIDICULOUSLY cute in the bunny ears with her matching pink hair.)

To make a long story as short as I'm capable of (not very), I've been having rolling compensation re-injuries climbing steadily up my back. The first injury was basically compression in my tailbone, so I compensated by shifting pressure up a few vertebrae, which then injured them, but not quite as seriously. So far, it's looked about like this, with the area injured:

* tailbone: 2 weeks out
* okay-ish: 2 days
* between the tops of my hipbones: 10 days out
* okay-ish: 3 days
* just above my hipbones: 7 days out

... and so on.

When I'm actively injured, I can do very little other than go to the chiropractor, do my stretching exercises, take walks, take muscle relaxers, and fall back into a very deep haze which my husband has forbidden me to call "coma-like" because it freaks him out, so I call it "grog-sleep". We tried other medicines, but either they didn't help me heal, or they made me just as groggy. The side effect of being deeply confused by everything more complex than getting dressed has been worth it for the pain relief and ability to knock myself out so I don't push myself too hard to fast (it would have been worse without the meds, I'm sure).

When I've been okay-ish, I've been tackling my personal to-do list, trying not to do too much too quickly, and being more grateful than I can express for the extraordinary generosity of my in-person lover with sugar daddy tendencies for making sure I could take this time off to recover without worrying about expenses.

I've accomplished a lot, actually, in my lucid hour or two at a time. The biggest emotional victory was: I have no more boxes marked "misc" from any of my five moves in the last ten years - not even "misc electronics" or "misc bathroom". The resulting trips to goodwill and the recycling center felt fantastically satisfying. I know what all my things are, and where they all belong! It's wonderful to feel a little less cluttered and a little more purposeful about my belongings.

And I have taken a few appointments here and there on days when I've been up for it. Slipping into someone else's fantasy has given me welcome respites from the navel-gazing.

What do I predict for the coming weeks? Not even gonna try. I'm officially crappy at predicting my abilities ahead of time. But if the best predictor of future performance is past performance, then this much I know: I will do as much as I can. I've been working hard at my recovery, and as soon I can come back to phone sex more regularly, I will.

The one funny solace I have about all this time off is that now I have proof when I say: I won't get on the phones unless I'm feeling sexy. I won't make an appointment or keep an appointment unless I'm feeling sexy. If I'm logged in, I'm feeling sexy, and I'm ready to play, you can count on it.

If you've sent me a check-in email or a note of encouragement and I haven't responded, thank you and I'm sorry. I will reply to them all some day when it doesn't overwhelm or confuse me - I will, I promise, and I'm deeply grateful.

In the mean time, it's a major fucking accomplishment to hit publish on this blog post, so I'm gonna pat myself on the back and treat myself to some peanut-butter-filled pretzels that I save for special occasions. It's not exactly a life of ease and luxury, but I'm grateful to the point of mushy sappy hyperbole to have the chance to live it.

Not That Kind of GFE

The grand experiment was: see if I can successfully travel to meet an out-of-town lover for a multi-day romp, with some resting time built in. 

The first five days were a smashing success: I rested up after traveling, then we romped to our hearts' delights in a sunny, warm, cozy place with every creature comfort I could have asked for. I got gussied up with straight hair and red red lips for our first sexy day:

He likes me in just a bra and panties. 

And then I played the part of the good mistress and put on my maybe-we're-just-colleagues outfit for scrumptious dining out about town (his wife knows about me - I'm more of an extra in their open marriage than a mistress, but it felt mistress-ish to dress even somewhat conservatively around him):

He loved it that I sneaked a picture in the posh bathroom. 

And then... My back went out and I was in excruciating pain. Dammit. 

So the last three days, instead of being a sexy continuation of days 3-5, I was finding a local chiropractor, switching out ice packs, taking muscle relaxers, and refusing to have sex with him. That sounds like the girlfriend a lot of men already have, not the one they fantasize about!!!

I was extremely upset. He was extremely gracious. I got home safely 10 days ago, I think, where I have continued working with my local chiropractor, but not at all working on phone sex. Honestly, mostly, I've been asleep, since the muscle relaxers mix with my vertigo mess to make me kinda coma-ish. 

My husband has been fantastically supportive, my roommate fantastically helpful, my local lover fantastically understanding, and I've been fantastically disappointed in myself, although I'm trying hard to shake that, because it's unhealthy and irrational. 

I was digging in my still-packed suitcase for makeup yesterday, to fancy up a bit for dinner just for the heck of it, and my favorite vibrators fell out of my suitcase, neglected and sad. Because I talk to inanimate objects, I said to them, "I know, I'm sorry I've neglected you. I always come back, though, and when I do, I'll need you."

And then I realized how to write this blog post. So I also say to you, "I know, I'm sorry I've neglected you. I always come back, though, and when I do, I'll need you."

Still Alive

I apologize for worrying so many of you by not writing.

The crazy stuff: while I was in Houston in February, I tweaked my back, so I spent most of February trying to avoid sitting (lying down and standing and kneeling are fine, and fucking made it feel better, it was just sitting). Every time I tried to write a blog post from my phone, or sit at the computer long enough, something would interrupt, or I'd find myself staring blankly at the screen. I have no good excuse for my blog absence, really, other than "that's the way this season's insanity played out".

The fun stuff:

• Just yesterday, I got my first installment of my Social Security settlement from back in October, which will allow me to do a ton of stuff I'd been putting on hold (a separate computer for videos, a land line and new phones for better sound quality, switch some domains to an unlimited hosting provider in case I want to podcast some day, etc etc). I'm soooooo relieved and excited!
• Devant, my husband's girlfriend, is continuing to be an awesome roommate and play mate, but hasn't gotten on the phones very often. We're debating whether she should keep trying, or become a clip girl, or just chuck it and get a regular job, and be a kinkster in her spare time like most people. But she's still awesome to live with.
• I've been having a great time once a week with my in-person lover, who usually stays over in the guest room with me Sunday nights while my husband and Devant frolic downstairs. It's super fun to overhear each other /grin
• My long-distance in-person lover with sugar daddy tendencies arranged for me to meet him over his spring break, so I am dashing this blog entry out before I start my multi-day vacation with him being pampered and pleasured

Because of my travel and recovery, I won't be available for appointments for anyone else until March 19 or 20.

However, I would love to exchange emails with you - I'll be slow to reply to free emails, but I should be faster on the draw if you have a request for a pay-to-view email through NiteFlirt.

Oh, and I got my hair cut for the first time in 11 months. The guy who did it was fabulous, loves curly hair, and is now my new BFF. Here's a pic:

Just past my shoulder, but my curls come out beautifully. I'm so happy to have found him. I can never move again.

So, to summarize, because I have to get going so I can get all gussied up for a good long day of playing reindeer games under extremely comfortable covers: I'm alive, I'm well, I'm inexplicably not blogging much, I'm available for emails now, and I'll be available for phone sex appointments again after March 19.

Mmmmmmwuh!

But I Want Something

"How can you know what you want 'til you get what you want and you see if you like it?" Cinderella, Into the Woods

"Human beings are not naturally wired to handle celebrity well - why would we evolve to deal with a million people caring about every detail of our lives when only so few of us have that problem?" - me, random musings

"For the first time in my life, I can pay unexpected bills when they come in and not have to sacrifice paying something else. It's as if Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs were magic: now I have the creative energy to write the stories that have been banging around in my head for a decade" -my ex-roommate, who recently finished the first draft of a novel

"You can get to pretty good at anything with enough time and practice, but you can't get to be good at everything. There isn't enough time." -an Olympic athlete whose name I don't remember, in an interview probably 10 years ago

These four ideas have been rattling around in my consciousness for the past few weeks, and I have a couple of hours to myself, so I thought I'd see if they would play nice and mull themselves into a pithy, well-summarized conclusion sentence if I tried to force them into blog form. (Good luck, me. We're all rootin' for ya)

I'm not dealing with the pressures of being famous, but I am dealing with a phenomenon that is similar because of its relative rarity in the scope of human history: I have basically everything I need and want.

And I find this level of security ... vaguely unsettling.

I understand that a sense of dissatisfaction with the status quo has served humanity extraordinarily well as a race. The nagging thought of, "something could be better" has driven inventors, tweakers, makers, artists, philanthropists, and explorers.

But on a personal level, it's been annoying and unhelpful for the past few weeks. It's weird. It's irrational. I mean, honestly, here's my amazing life in summary:

I want to live a life where I can afford to pay all my bills, and also travel to see my family regularly - I can. I want to have dogs, because I think they keep me more physically active and more emotionally balanced than life without them - I do. I want to have the security of a primary life partner relationship with someone based on mutual respect and trust, where I am confident we usually make good decisions together - I've got that. I want to have the freedom within my primary relationship to branch out to other lovers for physical variety, emotional stimulation, affirmation, and a sense of adventure - I have that freedom guilt-free more than ever since my husband got a new girlfriend and a new appreciation of the benefits of non-monogamy. And I want to be able to provide for myself financially in case of emergencies - I am able indeed.

Oh, sure, if I won the lottery, I would change a few things. I'd get a big fat recliner downstairs for writing and waiting between calls more comfortably. I would love to have laser hair removal so I no longer need to shave. I would deeply appreciate having laser vision surgery and spending a decade or so with good eyesight uncorrected before I start needing reading glasses. It might remove a tiny bit of concern to replace our cars with two-year-old models with fantastic warranties.

But are any of these things going to exponentially improve the quality of my life, especially when you compare those minor wants with the amazing blessings directly above them? I would clearly be an idiot if I thought so.

How then, do I explain the lingering thought that keeps brushing through my mind like a breeze, "but I want ... something"?

Maybe I'm ungrateful. Maybe I'm not yet fully acclimated to the air up here in "I have everything that I need, and everything major that I want" land, and maybe settling in takes time.

Or maybe humans, as an animal, have understandably bred for "but I want ... something" as a desirable characteristic of the species, and now it's so much a part of our nature that it cannot easily be dismissed by most of us, not even the self-proclaimed self-aware like me.

The emotional answer, I think, might lie in trying to accept the "but I want something" urge as part of my strength, to embrace it and listen to it and sometimes give it new things so it doesn't feel neglected. I can probably do that.

The practical, behavioral solution seems more straightforward, as I've been musing lately: figure out my priorities for this current season, with my current blessings, then try to balance the activities of my life by those priorities over the course of each quarter. Sure, a day or a week may be grossly imbalanced, but over a three-month span, I can build new sexy memories, make money, enjoy non-sexy times with friends and loved ones, change locations enough to feel a sense of discovery, and make a simple change or two to protect or improve my health.

What more could I possibly want?

The real answer: nothing.

Inner Slut's answer: Wellllllll, I've still never been with two men at the same time who were completely focused on my pleasure...