The Hand Orgy

Tied and Peaceful

January 23 kicked off the Chinese New Year of the Dragon. I ran across this handy explanation:

"Exciting, unpredictable, exhilarating and intense, according to the Chinese tradition, these are the characteristics of the Year of the Dragon. Be warned, following the Rabbit's year of cautious optimism, the Dragon is renowned for its unbridled enthusiasm and has been known to throw caution to the wind! Now's the time to make this your Year of Adventure!"

Well, thank you - I think I will!

Warning: the next picture is even more Not-Safe-For-Work (NSFW) than the first picture. I'm giving you space to look away, although I sincerely hope you don't, because it's good for me when you have sexy images of me stuck in your head.

I realized at our New Year's Eve party that I had to make a choice because of my vertigo: either I could process or deliver pain (flogger, spanking, paddle, crop, etc - they take as much concentration to wield as to receive), or I could stay at the party and be social, but I couldn't do both. Being in crowds makes me very dizzy, taking someone else into pain subspace and back makes me very dizzy, and going into pain subspace and back makes me very dizzy, so I have to choose only one of those things in any given 3-day period.

I'm not gonna lie: that sucks. It's emotionally difficult to be at a party where there are luscious floggers, and people with years of experience throwing them who are perfectly willing to fly me, and other people happy to watch that happen. It is seriously hard to turn that down. It's worth it to be at the party as an observer, building friendships by having happy kinky flirty time, but it's a helluva reminder of my limitations.

So somewhere in this insane blur of a month, we went to a BDSM party where people were playing with painful sensations and impact (several at the hand of my husband, who is as surprised and delighted and turned on as I am that he seems to be kinda in-demand at these types of parties). And although I love watching, I got antsy to participate without triggering my vertigo.

Thankfully for me, a gentleman was there with hundreds of feet of rope and many hours of bondage experience, and he was willing to tie me up with no expectation for hurting me or being sexy after being tied. My husband helped me think of all my caveats: no ties across my neck in case I couldn't differentiate blood loss to my head from dizziness, no standing with my feet bound together because my balance isn't good enough to maintain that, and, as with any bondage, the person tying me had to stay close by as long as I was bound in case I needed a quick release.

I stood first for a rope corset with my hands behind my back, but my legs free, enjoying the pulls and tugs, and relaxing into the feeling of my arms stretched a little behind me. I enjoyed leaning against him as he drew the rope across my flesh time and time again. Then we found a sitting position I could maintain comfortably, and he did an asymmetrical bind to keep me in that position.

And the most beautiful thing happened slowly: I relaxed into a sexy blur, a kind of a sub space, I think, of enjoying the exhibitionism (I was only wearing panties), and enjoying the feeling of increasing restriction (I've always loved bondage, but never done it as an end unto itself without combining it with other sensation play). When he was done and I was testing my bonds and figuring out if I could move (I kinda could scoot on my knees, but it was quite un-graceful), it was fun and floaty and sexy and relaxing without being stressful.

Is it weird that I relax when I'm tied up? Isn't that the point, to let yourself feel a little helpless? Well, it can be the point, I guess. That night, it was the point for me.

Then my husband finished up with the spankings he was delivering to Devant upstairs and they both came down, along with the crowd who had been watching (and "helping" her count, although I hear there was mischief involved around the number 13...).

When he knelt behind me and whispered in my ear how beautiful I looked, suddenly an old desire came back to me, something we've talked about for years, but never had the right space to make it happen: for as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be naked and bound in the middle of a group of people and have them run their hands over me, lovingly, gently, playfully, without causing any pain, just caressing.

All of a sudden, it dawned on both my husband and I at the same time that this was the perfect time to fulfill that fantasy.

And so it was.

Happily, sensually overwhelmed

My husband briefly explained to the people in the room what I wanted and asked for help, and I felt a gentle surge of warm bodies nestling in around me: my husband, Devant, another woman who has played with my husband, the woman who gave us our welcome and invitations to our first play party, the man who had just bound me, and his lover.

Intellectually, I understand that they probably watched my husband and followed his lead, but at the moment, it felt like the world stood still, and everyone magically understood exactly what I needed.

I was overwhelmed. I felt relief to have found something so sexy and so sensual that didn't immediately spin me into extreme dizziness. I felt gratitude for the friends we have made in such a short time with our new community of kinksters. I felt the release of literally years of holding onto this fantasy and having it fulfilled while feeling so safe and beautiful and treasured.

For one magical moment, it felt like I had been transported to a place where the hands of everyone who has ever loved me were caressing me, all at once. The room expanded into the past and the future, the hands multiplied, and I knew all the love of my whole life all at once.

I think I squeaked out something like, "I'm gonna cry if that's okay" and then proceeded to do exactly that while the hands continued, and voices murmured encouragement from every direction.

The quick-thinking person who captured the moment on my phone camera has been profusely thanked.

What has since come to be known as "The Hand Orgy" probably only lasted five minutes, just long enough for the wave of emotion to break over me and subside. Once I returned to only one point on the space-time continuum, I opened my eyes, found my words again, and I was ready to be unbound and rejoin the party.

The after effects, interestingly enough, were the same as returning from subspace after impact play: first I wanted to be still and with cuddly arms wrapped around me, then I needed to drink and snack, and then I was very happy and feeling social.

People who had seen the hand orgy, but had not participated (they came in the room after it had started and were uncertain if they were welcome to join), were very sweet, telling me how beautiful it was. And the hosts thanked me for gracing their home with such a lovely moment. Awwww /sniffle

So if sometime in the past couple of weeks, you happened to dream of running your hands over my body while I leaned into you and whispered, "thank you" through happy tears, now you know why.

Thank you for being there with me in spirit.